Years wasted?

Last night I watched a very fascinating PBS documentary on Netflix called "NOVA: Battle of the X-Planes." It chronicled the competition between Boeing and Lockheed-Martin over the government contract to supply the military with the next generation fighter jet. There were many other contenders initially, but these were the final contestants. Whatever plane they build had to satisfy the requirements of the Navy (primarily take off and land with only 500ft of runway), the Air Force (mainly be able to fly at supersonic speeds and have stealth capabilities), and the Marines (mainly being able to take off and land vertically). AND it had to be relatively cheap - about 1/3 of the cost of the current fighters. Tall orders by anyone's point of view!

Both companies spent about 5 years researching, designing, programming, manufacturing, and testing their planes. Both companies were using very innovative designs. Both companies had unexpected delays. Both companies' futures were closely tied to this contract (in fact, if Lockheed-Martin lost, they would likely close up shop!). But only one company was going to walk away with the prize.

Lockheed-Martin was said to be the 'favorite horse,' since they have had lots more experience building fighter jets than Boeing did, but when it came down to the final decision, nobody knew which way it was going to go. Both companies had been able to meet all the requirements, and it was a very close race. I won't spoil it by telling you who the winner was, but once they announced the winner and showed the loser's reactions, it really got my mind rolling.

The losing company had invested just as much time, energy, resources, and investments into this project as the winning company, but they didn't have anything to show for it. The guy in charge of the project for the losing team heard the news over the phone with the VP standing next to him. He replied through the phone, "So this is an all-or-nothing deal, right? Ok - I understand. Thank you." Then he turned to the VP and said, "I'm sorry." It looked like he was on the verge of tears, but the VP shook his hand, gave him a hug, and told him he had done an excellent job.

I know that one day, I'm going to stand before Jesus, and He's going to evaluate everything I've done. How I've spent my time, resources, energy, and passion. There is a fear deep down inside me that He's going to look at it, and say that it wasn't good enough. On a balance sheet, because they lost the contract, that company essentially wasted the past five years. Am I wasting the years I have? The truth is, I cannot judge myself about this. Only Jesus is the One who can, and I really won't know what His answer is until I stand before Him. I know my identity in Christ is solid, and I know where I will be for eternity, but is He really going to tell me, "Well done, good and faithful servant?"

I really don't know where to go from this, other than being diligent to do what I believe He wants me to do, and hope that in the end, it's going to meet His approval.