The River (book review)

The River, by Michael Neale, is not only the story of a young man dealing with the ghosts of his past, it's also a story about him finding his life's calling and embracing his destiny.

As a boy living in the mountains of Colorado, Gabriel Clarke watched his father sacrifice himself to The River to save another man's life. Heroic though the action may have been, from his 5-year-old perspective, Gabriel's father abandoned him. After that, Gabriel moved to Kansas to live with his mother.

The following years spent on the farm were simple and horrible. Gabriel, not able to escape the pain and the loss, struggled to make it through each day. By the time he turned twelve, he still had an incredible fear of water, and it was only through the gift of a fishing rod that he was able to re-encounter The River in a healing way.

As a young adult, he gets pulled away from Kansas by some friends to go camping in Colorado. There he has a supernatural experience with The River which replaces much of his fear with awe. He goes white-water rafting and feels himself come alive. That camping trip was too short so he later returns to Colorado to spend the summer working at the white-water rafting camp. There he learns much about his past and has an encounter that, depending on how he handles it, will change the course of his life forever.

While I found this book to be entertaining, there were many instances which pointed to the author's inexperience as a writer. For instance, the story is told to us by someone who meets Gabriel Clarke in an airport. Gabriel tells the narrator his story, who then shares Gabriel's story to us "as he told it to me." I would expect it to then be written from Gabriel's perspective (as it would have been originally told to the narrator). Instead, it was written in third person narration. Either Gabriel is one strange duck who narrates his own life, or the author made a big oopsie.

In addition, the dialogue and story line were very simply written and stated many of the characteristics of the various characters instead of showing them. For instance, we are told that Gabriel has 'hard days' and 'easy days' as a child, but we never really know what that means. We are told that on a 'hard day' he retreats to a secret place in his mind, but we are never allowed to join him there. (Another indicator that the story is not really being told "as he told it to me")

All in all, I'd give the book 3/5 stars, which reflects more of my appreciation of the way Colorado, mountains, and rivers are portrayed than it does for the story itself. I will say this though - I was on the brink of tears the last couple chapters of the book. It's an emotional tale that I did connect to...especially toward the end.

I received a copy of this book from the publishing company and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed here are my own.

If We Survive (Book Review)

I read Andrew Klavan's Crazy Dangerous a while back, so I came into If We Survive with some expectations regarding pace, prose, etc. I was not disappointed. This was a very fun, very fast read, which follows a group of kids through the jungles of Costa Verdes, dodging bullets, poisonous snakes, and raging rapids in an attempt to escape with their very lives. 

The main character is Will Peterson, a 'normal' 16-year-old who wants to be a hero. He went on a missions-trip/school project to Costa Verdes to help rebuild a school, and minutes before they leave the country, a revolution breaks out. Because of their being Americans, and because they tick one of the leaders off, they are set to be executed. They narrowly escape, and it's a run for their lives for the border.

In the midst of a gripping tale, Andrew Klavan manages to weave in some complex ideas.....ideas like how to cope with killing someone in battle, the discrepancy between what we read and what really is happening in other parts of the world, and questions like "am I so very different from murderous revolutionaries?" or "what does it mean to be a hero?"

Needless to say, I would highly recommend this book. 

I received a copy of this book from the publishing company and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Me? a Leader?

Sometimes you hear something a number of times, but it's not until it's said a certain way that everything all of a sudden becomes clear. The connection between me and being a 'leader' finally clicked for me.

I was sharing with a friend how I often feel pressure to step up and be a 'leader.' People have frequently told me I'm a natural leader, but I've never understood that. I don't have the type of personality or drive to be a leader, and while I understand that anyone who has influence in the life of another is a leader, it just never seemed to hit home with me. But in one moment, my friend made everything seem clear. He said, "There's a difference between a business leader and a people leader. You are a people leader."

Upon reflection, I can see that I have been told that a number of times in a number of different ways, but it wasn't until that moment that I suddenly felt a freedom to embrace my leadership qualities and responsibilities. I can lead people....I can't lead a business.

I think there has been an underlying fear that if I became a 'leader,' I'd have to figure out how to run a department, business, or organization. I don't want to do that. I have no desire to rise in the ranks. I have no dreams of being the head honcho. I am perfectly happy in my placement on the org chart. So when I received pressure to become a 'leader,' I understood it to mean that I needed to change what makes me who I am.

But now that the lightbulb has turned on, I understand that I don't need to change who I am to be a leader. But I do need to maintain a greater awareness of how and where I am leading people. For instance, I have the ability to either incite mutiny or foster teamwork in my workplace. While this is definitely a heavy responsibility, it's really just paying closer attention to something I do naturally anyway.

Here's to friends who turn the lightbulbs on for us! :D

The LORD Provides

Earlier this week I was pondering the story of Abraham almost killing his son, Isaac. God told Abraham to do it and waited to the last minute to stop him from following through with it in order to test him. One thing that stood out to me was that after all was said and done, Abraham named that location 'The LORD Provides." It struck me that he didn't name it "The LORD Tests." I think it's safe to say Abraham was an optimist. :D

This evening I had my own "The LORD Provides" moment: I was leaving work, and just as I was getting ready to turn onto the street, I saw some sort of case lying in the gutter. I got out, picked it up, climbed back in my car, opened it, and saw that it was a practically-complete socket/wrench set! 

The socket set I have is old and cheap, so I have been wanting a new socket set for a long time. But I never seemed to have the funds to buy it. Tonight, the Lord dropped it in my lap - and not only a socket set, but the exact one I've been eyeing at Walmart! 

I examined it closely to see if there were any identifying marks on it, and even looked in the local Craigslist Lost&Found, but I don't have a clue who it might have belonged to, or how it ended up in the gutter.

I don't think it's a coincidence that on Monday I was exploring the concept of God's provision, and on Friday I had a first-hand experience with it. As Rachel and I work through supporters dropping off and our support needs increasing, this is a timely reminder that God is our Provider.

Recent Trip to Spain

I recently got back from a nine-day trip to Spain for work, and toward the end of the trip, I was asked if I had experienced any major surprises on the trip. I responded that there were a lot of little paradigm shifts, but nothing major. Upon further consideration, I realize that all of the little things really do add up. I won't take the time to go into everything, but these are a couple of the 'bigger' things:

To begin with, I was quite humbled by my interaction with the people there. The only other times I have traveled overseas, it was to a second or third-world country where I and what I brought were obviously very needed. On those trips, I was, in a sense, enlightening the people with whom I interacted. On this recent trip to Spain, which is a first-world country, I quickly understood that those I was interacting with were very much peers, and I had as much to learn from them as they might learn from me. I really didn't realize the pride I had in my knowledge until I found myself asking them for advice and recognizing the wisdom in what they were sharing.

I also found confirmation that I am an introvert. I love being around other people, interacting with them, going to parties, etc, and as a result, I often wonder if I'm more of an extrovert than an introvert. But being forced into an environment where I wasn't comfortable, I felt myself fighting a tendency to withdraw. I spent time there in self-evaluation, and that tendency, along with a few other things, led me to the conclusion that I, at my core, am an introvert. This realization didn't necessarily surprise me, but I am still figuring out the ramifications of it.

There are other mental-shifts that happened while I was there, but these are the two which most readily came to mind. As everything continues to sink in, I'm sure other things will surface, but for now, these have risen to the top.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After reading back through this, I see that I haven't written this very eloquently, and it may be hard to follow, but I've found that it's very hard for me to verbalize my emotions and describe the way I view the world. If you would like me to elaborate or explain further anything I've written, let me know. Thanks!

David and the Old Man (Book Review)

David and the Old Man is the tale of William Zemba (the author) and his family. Specifically, the story is about growing up with his brother, David, and watching his interactions with their father.

Their father, referred to in the book as the Old Man, grew up on a farm, and when he established his own home, continued to grow fresh produce in his prized garden. The Zemba family revolved around the growing, cooking, eating, and enjoyment of the bountiful harvest, so when David refused to eat anything, it was met with incredulity, shock, and frustration.

David became anorexic. Because of the harsh control of the Old Man, David grabbed control over a small part of his life, namely his eating habits. Then he lost control, and anorexia started controlling him.

David's anorexia came close to tearing their family apart and almost killed his mother and himself. Then an incredible thing happened....they were saved by Jesus Christ. He not only saved their souls, he saved their lives too.

David and the Old Man is a glimpse into the redeeming work that Jesus Christ can do in a life. It's a glimpse into what living with an anorexic is like as well. William pulls the reader into the story as if they are actually there witnessing the events as they unfold, and after reading this book, I feel like I know the Zemba family.

The author has much to learn about writing, but his format is raw and honest. The actual story ended about 2/3rds of the way through the book, and the rest was reflections from himself, his sisters, and his anorexic brother. The message of hope, redemption, and masculine responsibility are dumped on you at the end in a way where upon thinking back over the story, it all makes sense!

I would recommend this book for anyone curious about anorexia, wondering if Jesus can really change lives, or those who want to experience the power of a father's role in a child's life.


I received a copy of this book from the publishing company and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed here are my own.

There and Back Again: a hobbit's tale

I am sure that my readers are well aware of what a hobbit is, but for those of you who don't, they are creatures which look like humans in a much smaller scale. In addition to their small stature, they possess an amazing appetite which allows them to consume a full meal every two hours with a snack between. Now you must understand that hobbits are creatures which prefer the quiet lifestyle. A typical day in the life of a hobbit is waking up, eating, getting some work done, eating again, napping, playing, eating, playing, eating, napping, playing, eating, and so on until night has come and it is time for a midnight snack then off to bed. They like this quiet lifestyle which is free from danger and absent of adventures.

With this understanding in mind, let me introduce you to Chris, your typical hobbit. His tale begins almost two months ago. One fateful day while he was eating a yummy PB&J right before his mid-morning nap, there was a knock on his door. Wiping the crumbs from his mouth, he got up, walked over to, and opened it to find a very tall man looking down at him. "Are you Chris?" the man boomed.

With jaw dropping and knees quivering, the little hobbit replied, "gulp.....yee..ss.?"

"Chris, I want you to go on an Adventure with me. Off in a distant land there is a dragon which lives at the top of a mountain and makes the best doughnuts. I want these doughnuts, and I am sure you want them too. Will you go with me?"

After a long pause, the man offered Chris a napkin to wipe off the drool running down his chin. Awakening from his fantasy, the timid hobbit replied, "Doughunts! Yes! I'll go with you, but.....what's a mountain?"

"You will see. I will return at 5AM tomorrow to help get you in shape for the journey. Goodbye!" and with that, the man was gone. Chris watched him go wondering who he was, for he was a very good looking man, then he called the oldest hobbit he knew to ask when 5AM was. His nap came early that morning when he fainted at the information.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next several weeks, Chris was forced to do things he never dreamed of. He had to wake up earlier and earlier to walk a steep trail around and around. He didn't know why he was doing this, and the only information given to him was that there were doughnuts waiting at the top of this mountain. Sometimes a faun would join them on these walks, and the hobbit never tired of staring at the half-man, half-goat named Ron.

Then one day, the man told Chris, "You are ready. We will depart for the mountain in two days. Get some rest. It's a long hike."

"Longer than what we've done?" he asked in a panicked voice.

"Yes, much longer. Get some rest. We leave before dawn."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning came much too early for the little hobbit who was very tired of all the training he'd been through, but he had just had a wonderful dream about doughnuts so he got out of bed, put his gear into his pack, which was almost as big as he was, and set out to meet the man and the faun at the base of the mountain.

An interesting side-note is that the mode of transportation hobbits use is actually fueled by ice. Chris' vehicle was no exception. Hobbits are used to the frigid temperatures within their vehicles, and the man was amazed that Chris wasn't shivering in the cold as he was. Chris turned on the heat for him, but it only blew out cold air. Hobbits are weird. End of side-note, now back to the story.

The motley crew consisting of a hobbit, a faun, and a good-looking man set out on the trail to the top of the mountain. Chris, with his enormous pack, fell into pace between Ron and the man. They trekked for a whole twenty minutes when Chris just couldn't go any farther. It was time for his mid-morning nap, so he laid down in the trail, kicked off his shoes, and promptly fell asleep. The man and the faun looked at him for a moment incredulously then woke him up saying there was a looong way to go and he could rest later. They were thankful the few seconds of sleep he got was enough to energize him and he woke with a smile.

first nap of the day

It was another 30 minutes later when Chris stopped and saw an amazing sight. He looked up at the man beside him and asked what it was. Smiling gently, the man replied, "It's a sunrise." Chris stared in wonder as it was the first sunrise any hobbit had ever seen, for they naturally sleep well past it.

The sun rose quickly and the trail broke free from the trees for a moment. Off in the distance something rose about the trees. The man explained it was the mountain they were climbing. "But it's so far!" Chris wailed. The man consoled him by once again describing the doughnuts waiting for him at the top.

Are we there yet?

The hobbit pushed himself so hard, but after only one more hour, he had to take a break. He found a nice looking rock and plopped down, not to be moved. The faun thought the little guy looked so comical sitting there, he had to take a picture.

(notice the size difference between a hobbit and a faun)

After a short break, they set out again, but it didn't take long before everyone started hearing a rumbling sound. At first they thought of bears, but it ended up being Chris' hungry tummy. He opened up his massive pack and started pulling out food. It was now evident why he brought such a big pack. A nearby sign summed up his enormous appetite.

The sign was only knee-high to an averaged sized human

After the meal was over, they set out once again, trying to make up for lost time, while making frequent stops for the tired little hobbit.

another rest-break

Our fearless faun leader

you guessed it - another break

Are we there yet?

Only three miles to go? That means we've walked 10 miles!

The faun got on his knees to see the world through a hobbit's eyes.

Just keep going, just keep going!

Chris taking a break and enjoying the view

"These rocks are nothing for a half-man-half-goat!"

Chris looks big, but Ron is far away.

Another break, of a different sort. Turns out hobbits are a bit shy.

Chris standing on a rock

By this time, they could hear the dragon bellow a couple times every once in a while signalling to the world its presence. A wee little girl and her father were also daring the climb to the summit and were gaining on the trio. Emboldened by her bravery (and desiring to not let the little girl pass them), they set out at a slightly quicker pace. This lasted for all of three minutes which is when the hobbit ran out of steam. The other two tried encouraging him by explaining there were only 16 stairs to go. This perked him up considerably.

Yet another break only 16 stairs from the summit

Three 'stairs' into it, he realized the joke was on him. Each stair involved traversing the boulder field only to switch back and traverse it again....sixteen times. But he stuck with it and was proud of his accomplishment when he stood on the summit.

Made it to the top!

After enjoying their accomplishment, they went inside the shelter to get some refreshments. They ran over to the doughnut counter and were flabbergasted to see the prices the dragon charged. "No wonder the dragon has so much gold!" Ron quipped. Instead of spending their few coins on doughnuts, they waiting a long time to get a piece of meat from the cow slowly rotating on its spit above the fire. They also got some potatoes boiled in hot oil, which were quite satisfying.

The dragon at rest

They rested a little while longer, enjoying the warm fire while the snowstorm raged outside. Then without a word and only a glance, they filled their canteens and headed back home.

Ron asked Chris, "Do you think you can make it back down?"

One last look before descending the mountain

The trip home was much quieter, and there were fewer stops. The hobbit had a lot to think about as he digested his Adventure. It was hard, it was long, but he felt a new emotion bubbling up within him. It was pride. He had done something no other hobbit had. He had climbed a mountain! The thing that had driven him there, namely the doughnuts, were yet to be tasted, but strangely enough, he didn't mind. Those doughnuts would wait for another day....another Adventure.

The man, the faun, and the hobbit (standing on a stool)

Training

Four weeks ago I decided to hike Pikes Peak with two friends. The route we chose to take was equivalent to a marathon, 26.2 miles roundtrip. Knowing I needed to get in shape for the hike, I tried running the 3-mile loop we found near our house. I didn't make it. I ended up walking most of the way. That day was a major wake-up call to where I was at physically. If I was going to hike 26 miles and climb 7500 feet in elevation, I was going to need to shape up!

This morning, four days before the hike, I ran 6 miles in under an hour. It's nothing to really brag about, but it shows how far I've come. I went from not even being able to run one mile to running six and knowing I could keep going! But like most major changes, this did not occur overnight.

• The first thing I needed was a goal to strive for - a vision to grab onto. In this case, it was a long, intense hike. Most people who hike this trail only go one-way. They usually get a ride back down the mountain. Hiking one-way would be intense, but I needed the challenge of going both directions.

• The second thing I needed was accountability. In this case, it was two other guys who also needed to get in shape. Of the three of us, I had the farthest to go though. One of the guys has been climbing mountains his whole life and this summer spent almost every weekend out on the trails. The other guy has also hiked a number of mountains this summer in addition to swimming and training for a half-marathon. As for me? I played slow-pitch softball this summer....not the most intense activity that's for sure!
• These guys made sure I kept at it. Whether it was a discussion at work or a text asking what I was doing, I couldn't have kept my motivation without their help. And it went the other way too! The only time I could consistently do any trail mileage was before work, so I was hitting the trail (and often dragging the guys with me) at 6am, 5am, even 4am!

• And the third thing I needed was to celebrate my progress. I needed someway of tracking my progress. I pushed myself to go farther faster, and it paid off. A couple weeks ago I tried a new trail and expected it to take me about 45-60 minutes to reach the summit of a small mountain, but it only took 30! I was at the top of Red Mountain not even out of breath, disappointed I didn't have farther to go. Last week I hiked almost 11 miles in less than 3 hours, and this morning I ran 6 miles in under an hour.

I'll let you know how the actual hike goes, but the training for it has been incredible. I have hiked more in the past four weeks than I have in the past year. I have tried new trails, explored new areas, and set new personal records.

As I think about doing anything worthwhile, those three things I mentioned are vitally important:

1. Have a goal to strive for - a vision to grab onto
2. Find some accountability
3. Celebrate your progress

Is there anything worthwhile you're wanting to do?

Early morning hike

4:15AM - My alarm went off. I hit snooze once, then roll out of bed when it goes off again. In my drowsiness, I get dressed, make a sandwich for lunch, grab my bags, and head out the door. I marvel that all the lights are green for me as I drive to my office building.

4:47AM - I get to the office and am disappointed that I was the only car in the parking lot. Neither Ron nor Chris, the two guys who were going to hike with me, are there yet. I take my laptop into the office and leave it there for safekeeping. I climb back in my car and try not to fall asleep.

4:57AM - My phone rings. It's one of the guys, Chris, calling to say he overslept and wouldn't be joining us. After hanging up with him I call the other guy, Ron, to see if he was on his way. He confirms it and pulls in next to me minutes later. I jump in the car with him and we drive off, both of us commenting on how great coffee would be just then.

5:22AM - We turn on our headlamps and start up the trail. Ron leads at first but after a few minutes lets me pass. Because of my long legs and our needing to train for a long hike next month, I set a very quick pace and we fly up the trail. My eyes don't leave the little circle of light on the trail so I won't trip over anything, but we occasionally look over our shoulders and see the lights of Colorado Springs glimmering below us. It is beautiful, but we don't have time to stop. We have to keep moving. Soon it becomes light enough to turn off our lamps. My eyes play tricks on me with the rocks but we maintain our quick pace.

6:00AM - We reach the summit, and take a moment to catch our breaths. Ron tells me that this was the fastest he's ever gone on this trail. Normally it takes him more than an hour to come this far, and it's only been 38 minutes. The sun hasn't made it above the horizon yet, but it's getting close. My eyes go back to the trail and we continue our rapid pace, grateful that it the next four miles are all down hill.

6:15AM - I look to my left and see the sun. It is an amazing sunrise, and we take a few moments to absorb the beauty of it. I snap a quick picture, and it's back to the trail again.

We aren't breathing nearly as hard since we're going downhill so we talk about a wide variety of topics: our spouses, refinancing, camping, hiking, and saving for vacations to name a few. The day is getting brighter and brighter, and we pause to let a runner pass us. As we get closer to end of the trail, we are amazed at how quickly we hiked it. We talk of how we could do it faster and what sort of time-goal to set for the next time. Thirty minutes to the top and an hour back down sound about right.

7:08AM - We arrive back at the car. We had just traversed 5.3 miles in an hour and forty-five minutes. We went thirty minutes faster than we had expected, so we decide to stop at Starbucks to get our coffee before going to work. All I can think about is, "Let's do that again!"

Christians and Conservatives

I know it’s been a couple of weeks since the whole eat-at-Chick-Fil-A-to-show-you-support-them thing, which for a lot of people was really an eat-at-Chick-Fil-A-to-show-you’re-anti-gay thing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the whole ‘gay’ situation in America, and a couple of things bother me:

1) Conservatives who blame their view on what the Bible says
2) Christians who react to current events out of their Conservative perspective.


Hear me out – ‘Christian’ does NOT equal ‘Conservative,’ and ‘Conservative'  does NOT equal ‘Christian.' They will often times go hand in hand, but they are not synonymous, and it's foolish to act like they are. Doing so will ultimately give Christianity a bad name and hinder the Gospel.

As a Conservative, you would probably vote against gay marriages (or any other gay agenda), but don't say it's because the Bible told you so. The Bible also speaks against drunkenness, substance abuse, sex outside of marriage, the sanctity of life, fiscal responsibility, caring for the poor, orphans, and widows, and a host of other things. But some of these topics have become social 'norm' so most Conservatives don't speak up about them nor do they seem to even care about them. Conservatism is a political view and will only rise up when there is a political issue at stake. The problem is that most people confuse a political issue with a moral issue. Conservatives need to think about the political issues with the perspective of "What are the costs/benefits of this issue for the USA?" and not "Is this issue right or wrong?"

Christianity, not Conservatism, deals with moral issues. Is gay marriage right? Is abortion wrong? Would it be right to legalize marijuana? and does it matter whether it is right or wrong? It may be true that the USA was founded on Christian principles, but we are far from being a Christian nation, so let's not pretend we are. Instead of polarized political issues, we should care about the people affected by those issues. We should be focused on telling people about Jesus, because in the end, it's all about Him.

You might react, "But wait, isn't homosexuality wrong? Don't we have a responsibility to prevent that kind of behavior?" to which I'd reply, "I don't really care if homosexuality is right or wrong. I cannot show a non-Christian a Biblical moral standard and expect them to live by it. Jesus Christ works in the individual to transform behavior, but it is incredibly foolish on my part to throw individuals up against the standard presented in the Bible and expect them to change their ways. My Christian responsibility is to disciple people to Christ, and NOT to change them."

I am reminded of the lyrics of a song by Derrick Webb:


I’m so tired of these mortal men
with their hands on their wallets and their hearts full of sin
scared of their enemies, scared of their friends
and always running for re-election
so come to DC if it be thy will
because we’ve never had a savior on Capitol Hill

you can always trust the devil or a politician
to be the devil or a politician
but beyond that friends you’d best beware
’cause at the Pentagon bar they’re an inseparable pair
and as long as the lobbyists are paying their bills
we’ll never have a savior on Capitol Hill


In closing, remember that Jesus did not come to transform political arenas. He came to transform your heart.

An extended stay....at the hospital!

This past week, Rachel and I spent six nights and seven days in the hospital due to Rachel having gall bladder issues which led to surgery which led to pancreatitis. Here's a quick timeline of events:


Saturday, 7/7/12: Rachel started having some severe abdominal pains. This was the third time in the past two months Rachel felt this pain, and both previous times it went away in a few hours, and we tried treating it with heartburn medications. Rachel took heartburn medication again which did nothing to help, so she took some anti-gas medication, which did not help. She spent the entire night in agony.


Sunday, 7/8/12: Rachel spent the day on the couch. By mid-afternoon the pain was starting to subside, and as long as she didn't move she felt alright. That evening the pain was mostly gone.


Monday, 7/9/12: Rachel woke up without any pain. I headed off to work, and Rachel got back to her normal routine. She ate a burrito for lunch, and immediately the pain returned. It was so intense she could hardly think straight. She called me, and I asked her if she'd rather go to our family Dr., or the ER. She said the family Dr, and called in an emergency appointment. I went home and took her there, and she was told that she either was suffering from ulcers or gall bladder issues. The Dr recommended going to the ER for quicker tests and more immediate pain relief. We made it to the ER about 3PM and thankfully there wasn't anyone else waiting there, so we were seen immediately.

They ran some tests and did an ultrasound which made it very clear that Rachel needed her gall bladder removed. They were concerned that some of the gall stones had become lodged in her common bile duct, so they were going to run additional tests (including an MRI) the next day, and if there was any lodged there, they'd remove them before surgery.

Because they weren't sure when surgery would be done of if that procedure needed to be done, Rachel could not eat or drink anything until they had a better idea about what was going to happen.


Tuesday, 7/10/12: Discovered that the phrase, "the results are negative" is a positive thing. Rachel did not have any stones in her common bile duct so they scheduled her for surgery for the next morning. They said she could have liquids until Midnight. Rachel was very hungry, but was grateful to be able to drink some juice and eat a popsicle.

Wednesday, 7/11/12: Rachel went in for surgery to have her gall bladder removed at 7:45AM. She was squeezed into the surgery schedule first thing in the morning, for which we were very grateful. The surgery went very smoothly, but when she was taken back to her room, she began to feel an even more powerful pain in her stomach. To our dismay, the nurse who was assigned to her was very unsympathetic and practically told Rachel she was either exaggerating how much pain she was in or she had an incredibly low pain tolerance. We 'fired' that nurse and requested another, who did a much better job interacting with Rachel.

We were told the pain was from the surgery, and Rachel would feel much better the next morning.

Thursday, 7/12/12: The surgeon met with Rachel, and thought it very weird that Rachel was still in as much pain as Rachel was indicating. The surgeon also hinted that Rachel had a low pain tolerance, but decided to order a CT scan and some additional blood tests. The results of those showed that Rachel was suffering from pancreatitis. One of the things they tested for were her lipase levels, which is a chemical secreted by the pancreas. Normal levels are from 18-53, and Rachel's levels were at 2907! We found out later that what likely happened is that Rachel was passing another gall stone at the time of surgery. As the stone passed by the pancreas, it caused inflammation.

Pancreatitis is one of the most painful things to go through, and the surgeon apologized for insinuating Rachel wasn't in as much pain as she actually was. She also told us the treatment for pancreatitis is to simply fast. Not consuming anything gives the pancreas a chance to heal. This was the last thing Rachel wanted to hear since the last meal she ate was the little burrito on Monday!

Friday, 7/13/12: They drew blood, ran the tests, and said her lipase levels were down to about 1000. Still a long way to go, so we spent the day resting and waiting for the next day. Thankfully they gave Rachel control over her own pain medication through a PCA (Patient Controlled Analgesia), and she became much more comfortable after that.

Saturday, 7/14/12: They drew blood, ran the tests, and said her lipase levels were down to 260. They were much closer to where they needed to be, but we still couldn't go home yet. Rachel was feeling much better and spent very little time in bed. Most of the day was spent sitting on the couch and walking up and down the hallways. Rachel was allowed liquids late that morning and that afternoon she got to eat a popsicle.

Sunday, 7/15/12: They drew blood, ran the tests, and said her lipase levels were down to 180. Rachel relieved control of the PCA since she wasn't using it much any more anyway, and the Dr said she could eat some solid food. She ordered fruit for lunch and nibbled on it. She feared causing another flare-up and needing to stay longer. Thankfully that didn't happen and the nurses gathered her discharge paperwork together. We left the hospital around 2:30pm.

Some friends brought us dinner that night, and Denise (Rachel's mom who is here to help out) set up a candle-lit dinner for us since it was our 6-year anniversary. Rachel really enjoyed her first real meal in almost a week. Rachel was very happy to be able to enjoy her first real meal in almost a week!

We want to thank everyone who prayed us through this trying ordeal, the nurses and doctors who took such good care of Rachel, all our good friends who visited or stayed with Rachel or brought us meals, my parents for taking care of Isaac and Sonny while we were in the hospital, and Rachel's mom for flying out here to help out in so many ways. We thank Jesus Christ for giving us patience and emotional stability while we waited.

Forest Fires

Two days ago a forest fire started just West of Colorado Springs. I was in a softball tournament that day, and shortly after our second game started, I saw a small trickle of smoke rising to the West. My first thought was that a house was on fire, but as the game progressed and the trickle grew into a massive column of smoke, I knew the fire was on a much grander scale than what I had originally thought. It was also farther West than what I had originally thought, for which I am grateful.

So far, no structures have been lost, although thousands of acres of forest have been consumed by the raging inferno. But what is almost more disconcerting to me is the raging inferno going on in people's hearts as the rumors swirl about this fire (and others in the state) being intentionally started by an arsonist. A cry (rightfully so) is going out demanding Justice for this atrocity, but some people are taking it to an extreme. Some have demanded that those who started this fire be burned alive just so they know how it feels. Others have requested spending 15 minutes alone with them before dropping them down a mine....followed shortly by a stick of dynamite.

I believe this demand for Justice is an indicator of us being made in the image of God. God is Just, and when we see injustice, it is natural to feel the need to do something about it. But God is also Merciful, and it's very hard to show mercy when we feel so much pain and see so much damage. Personally, I find it hard to balance seeking Justice and extending Mercy. Assuming someone did start this fire (and the others around the state), I think they do need to be brought to Justice, and I take confidence in the knowledge they will one day meet Justice face-to-face and have to accept the consequences of their actions. But I am not the one to give them that Justice. In my anger and frustration, I would not be able to properly balance Justice and Mercy and give them the proper judgement.

And as I contemplate why they might have done this, I can only conclude that they have either been greatly deceived in how to best communicate their issues or that they are suffering from some mental or emotional sickness.

Again, assuming the cause was arson, I am praying

• The authorities find him/her quickly so as to not allow him/her to start any other fires
• That he/she would come to put their faith in Jesus Christ so as to not have to experience God's Justice
• That other people would realize that are just as sinful as this person is

One last thought.....the Bible tells us:

For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.
As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
(Proverbs 26:20-21)

Watch out that you don't start fires of your own by your gossip or quarreling.

my 'Sacred Pathway'

We're going though the book Sacred Pathways in one of our small groups. The book is about how there are different pathways on which it's easier for some people to worship God. The author elaborates on several of them and gives a small 'test' at the end of each chapter to see if that's one of your pathways. I scored a 28/30 on the Naturalist (one who connects to God easily by being out in nature). I wasn't really surprised by that, but I was digging through my office the other day and found a sheet of paper which confirmed it to me.

I went on a several day backpacking trip a couple years ago, and wrote this one evening:

I am surrounded by wildness and I feel at home.
The stream gurgling around me,
The tree at my back cradling me,
There is so much peace around me, I absorb it and am at peace.

I sat by a stream in a medow earlier and shared the area with two deer.
They watched me, I watched them.
I ignored them, they ignored me.
Harmony.

I imagine Adam sitting in a beautiful garden enjoying the wonder of God's creation and watch as two animals approach him. He looks at them and says, "You will be called 'deer.'" Thousands of years later, I sit here watching them, feeling akin to Adam.

I look up at the trees and feel so small. I am amazed that they grow here, not by the hand of any man, but by the hand of God. What is their purpose? Do they have one? Is it so that I would sit beneath them, ponder these questions and worship God?

Then the next day while taking a break:

I sit here on top of this ridge and again, I am in awe of God. I feel small, I could never even imagine a place like this let alone speak it into being. God, you are so awesome! Thank you. Thank you for this. Thank you for giving me these friends and the opportunity to experience this.

It is so easy for me to feel close to God when I am surrounded by His creation. Other people find it easier when they are drowned out by loud music or flashing lights, in standing up for others or in caring for them, by having a structured worship service or by getting into a theological debate.

For me, it's separating myself from man's creation and immersing myself in God's creation.

Long Nights and Short Fuses

These past few weeks I have been learning a lot about myself. One of the more interesting things is how my personality has changed as a result of lack of sleep over an extended period of time.

Normally I would consider myself a very easy-going guy. I'm laid back and it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers. My outlook on life is predominately jovial and I have a really long 'fuse.' I tend to be more extroverted than introverted, and really enjoy being around other people.

But after several weeks of reduced sleep, I would have to describe myself as grumpy. I constantly feel uptight, and it seems the littlest of things irritate me greatly. I have found things to be more black and white than shades of grey, and as a result, I am finding more faults in the people around me. I may not express it audibly, but I am snapping at people in my mind. I really have to be careful in the things I say and in how I say them. Interestingly enough, I'm tending to be more of an introvert than an extrovert now. Truth be told, I don't really want to be around other people. In fact, I've even started to just go sit in my car to eat my lunch, which I would not have dreamed of doing earlier. Instead of being open with people, I'm shutting them out.

And I hate being that way. I hate being grumpy. I hate being irritated at the people I'm surrounded by. I hate hearing myself berate others in my mind over things that really don't matter. And I hate not having the mental and emotional energy to beat down this ugly side of myself.

I am learning in new ways what it means to rely on Jesus for strength. Bible verses about 'waiting on the Lord,' 'serving with the strength God provides,' and 'doing all things through Christ,' are taking on a whole new meaning. It is only through His supernatural influence will I be able to rise above these circumstances and shine His light.

The Doughnut Man

I was reliving some childhood memories with a friend today, and in lieu of it being National Doughnut Day, I was reminded of a show we watched prolifically as kids. If you have never heard of "The Doughnut Man," then you'll want to watch the clip below.

The overarching concept is that we are like doughnuts. We have holes in our hearts which can only be filled with God's love. The Doughnut Man communicates this concept to children by having them help him fill the holes in the doughnuts with those little doughnut holes while singing cute little songs. The show is complete with songs, dancing, engaging stories, and a talking doughnut. But as I watched this clip, I was struck with how weird it was. Here is a grown man dressing up in pink overalls, dancing around with children, and having them join his 'club' to fix doughnuts....all in the name of Jesus.

Needless to say, this show isn't culturally relevant any longer, and I now realize that I really should haven any issues with shows like Barney or Spongebob-Squarepants considering what I watched (and loved) as a kid. In fact, if "The Doughnut Man" aired today, it would probably be promoting Gay Christianity. The times certainly have changed in the past 20 years!

Upon further consideration, I figured that if I watched shows like this growing up and turned out ok, then my kids stand a good chance of turning out ok too, despite what videos I have them watch. :)

Living without sleep

Let me start off by saying, "It's no wonder they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture."

I really wish I could apply the Eighth Amendment to having a newborn. Not being able to sleep through the night is certainly a cruel and unusual punishment. But, it can make for some funny stories.

The other night Rachel and I were enjoying a few hours of sleep, and I was dreaming that I was sitting in bed holding Isaac. It was one of those waking dreams where everything feels real, so when Rachel woke me up asking in a panicked voice, "Where's the baby!?!?" I freaked out. My lap was empty, and I couldn't feel him anywhere on the bed around me. In horror I looked over the side of the bed worried he had fallen onto the floor. I was getting frantic as I patted the blankets around me and could not find the baby!

I looked over at Rachel and she was doing the exact same thing - looking around on the bed with an extremely worried look on our face. We both turned up nothing and looked at each other for a minute. Then I jumped out of bed and looked in the crib where I found Isaac fast asleep.

Later that same night, the exact same thing happened again, but with me waking Rachel up asking where Isaac was. I had dreamed that she had him in bed, but when I woke up and looked around, I couldn't see him. This again led to a frantic search of the bed only to find him in his crib.

The next day we talked about what happened, and came to find out both of us had been dreaming he was in bed with us each time! So when we woke up and couldn't find him, we turned to the other and had our fears confirmed, that he was somewhere in the bed.

We laughed long and hard over what happened that night. Isaac is certainly living up to his name, bringing laughter into our home. I only wish it wasn't through fear and adrenaline.

(I had the same thing happen again last night. I hope it doesn't become a regular occurrence)

Never the same again

A couple of months ago, I wrote about an experience seeing a new father give his child his first bath. If you haven't read it and want to, here's the link. Well, a couple days ago, that was me giving my son his first bath.

To be honest, I didn't feel any different while giving him his bath, but in reality, I am a very different person now, and I'll never be the same again. It's hard for me to put into words what has changed - maybe in another couple of weeks it will be easier to explain - but I think it can be summed up in that I now bear the burden of an incredibly great responsibility.

I am responsible for the protection, provision, care, and development of another human being - a human being that I helped create. I have gained a new identity. I'm a Dad! My mind is still reeling from all the ramifications of it. My future now has a different direction - it's no longer just my and Rachel's future, but it's my family's future - a future I am responsible for.

I used to scoff at those who said that you're not really a family until you have kids. Logically, I argued that a married couple is a family, but now that I'm on the other side, I see it very differently. Yes, Rachel and I were a family prior to Isaac, but the word family carries a much stronger sentiment now that we have a child.

Anyway, my mind is whirling with all of the paradigm changes that are taking place. It's an exciting time to be sure! :)

Chick-fil-a Leadercast pt3

Last week I got to attend the Chick-fil-a Leadercast at one of their remote broadcast locations. There was a lot to absorb, so I'm trying to really focus in on just a couple of the lessons I learned. I wrote about the first and second lessons in previous posts. Here's the third lesson I walked away with:

Leadership requires trust, and trust empowers good people to greater innovation and creativity.

In just a few short years, Angela Ahrendts has transformed the company Burberry from being an old, stagnant company into the vibrant, expanding company it is today. She said that the 'cause' for her success was Trust. As a leader, when you delegate something, you have to trust they will accomplish the task. You also have to trust the input you receive from others regarding a decision. If Bob from Accounting says that a decision doesn't make fiscal sense, don't argue with him over it, trust him.

Of the lessons I've come away with, this one scares me the most. Trusting others requires vulnerability. It leaves unanswered the question, "What if.....?" But the truth is, people thrive under trust. I don't know how many times I've become frustrated over the years when I have to explain my reasons again and again to those around me. I just want to ask, "Do you trust me? If so, then trust me with this!" And I've listened to church congregations spend hours debating over trivial matters, and I just want to ask, "Do you trust the church leadership? If so, then trust them with this!"

Generally speaking, people are good-willed, meaning that destruction and mayhem is not their goal. People want the best results, and they want to contribute their best. Both of those will be met if you extend trust to them. Combine this with the lesson, "people will rise or fall to the expectations placed upon them," and you have a powerful one-two punch.

Of the lessons I heard at the Chick-fil-a Leadercast, this one is certainly the most nebulous. There are times when you need to follow up with someone, and trust is something that in some situations needs to be earned. But too often I find myself living under the adage, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." How freeing it is to allow others to do the task. It may not be done exactly the way I would have done it, but if it's done, what am I complaining about?

Chick-fil-a Leadercast pt2

Last week I got to attend the Chick-fil-a Leadercast at one of their remote broadcast locations. There was a lot to absorb, so I'm trying to really focus in on just a couple of the lessons I learned. I wrote about the first lesson in a previous post. Here's the second lesson:

This year's Chick-fil-a Leadercast was focusing on choices, so the various speakers spoke on making choices, dealing with choices already made, and examples of choices they've made. Andy Stanley opened the conference talking about how to go about making the 'best' decision. He said there are three questions to add to our 'arsenal of decision-making questions:'

1) What would my replacement do?
     Andy did a great job explaining this question when he said, "This question immediately brings objectivity to the decision-making process." Sometimes we get wrapped up in the making a decision based upon what the supposed expectations are, or in the ways we've always made decisions. For instance, if I always were to answer 'yes' to a certain type of request, but my replacement would answer 'no,' why should I wait until I get replaced for the answer to be 'no'? 

2) What would a great leader do?
      If Abraham Lincoln or Benjamin Franklin were here in my shoes, facing this decision, what would they decide? Trying to take the perspective of a leader you admire and look up to helps to "eliminate self-imposed expectations and limitations. This question will reveal to you the chance to become a great leader." Often times, our decision making process is tainted by selfish desires, conscious or not. The heroes we look up to are heroes because they make selfless decisions. Would Superman put in an extra hour at The Daily Planet or would he go home to his kids (assuming of course he had kids)?

3) What story do I want to tell?
     Despite how glamorous and immediate a big decision may be, "every decision you make will end up being nothing more than a part of a story you tell." We all have a story to tell, and our story is comprised of the decisions we made to get us to where we are. Think through the decision and ask yourself, "Do I really want this to be a part of my story?" Andy made a hard-hitting point, "Don't choose anything that will make you a liar for life." We have an idea of what we want our story to be, but sometimes the decisions we make go contrary to that desire, and the temptation is to cover up the decision to make the story fit better. Don't start lying your way through life, instead make a decision you want in your story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you were to look at an org-chart, I'm pretty low on the totem pole, but these three questions are applicable to even me. Even if I don't make business decisions for my organization, I do make decisions about my life and my family. These questions will help me become a great leader of myself and my family.

Chick-fil-a Leadercast pt1

Last week I had the privilege of attending one of the remote broadcast locations for the Chick-fil-a Leadercast. It was an incredible time, and I heard many great truths about leadership, how to make good choice, and how to deal with the choice we make. John Maxwell, one of the speakers, stated it well, "We make a decision, then manage that decision the rest of our lives."

I got to hear wisdom from some people who's names I recognized: Tim Tebow, John Maxwell, Pat Lencioni, Andy Stanley. I also heard from people who's names I didn't recognize: Urban Meyer, Angela Ahrendts, Marcus Buckingham, Soledad O'Brien, Roland Fryer, Sheena Iyengar.

Trying to absorb all of what was spoken is like sitting in a bathtub and trying to absorb all the water from the tub. You're not going to get it all. The key is to find one or two things that really resonated with you and focus on those. Here are the two or three things I'm taking away from the conference:

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1) How to improve learning
        Dr Roland Fryer spoke about the decay of our educational system, especially as it pertains to minority groups. As an economist, he looks at the data, and the data is horrifying to behold. Out of the countries of the world, the United States of America invests the 4th highest amount into its country's educational system, but it ranks around 20th educationally. Stop and ponder how horrible that is. A ray of hope is some data from a few small areas of the country where the educational scores are through the roof. Those areas implement 5 key principles into their educational systems, and the proof is in the pudding. The heartbreaking problem is that other areas of the countries aren't willing to implement these principles. The leadership lesson here is that sometimes "We know what we need to do. Do we have the leadership and courage to get it done?"

The five principles are:
         1) Increase time spent studying
         2) Choose good teachers
         3) Get prompt feedback and make necessary adjustments
         4) Utilize small focus groups
         5) Have high expectations

These principles apply to how I can increase my learning as well as how the American Educational System can improve. If I want to learn something better, I need to spend more time studying it. I need to choose good sources of information for what I'm learning, and I need to have some way to evaluate my progress quickly. It would also be good to learn together with a few others, and most importantly, maintain high expectations. "People, especially children, will rise or fall to the expectations placed upon them."

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Since this went a bit long, I'll post my other take-aways over the next couple of days.

News?

I had breakfast with my pastor this morning, and on the way there, the radio station I was listening to played a 'news update.' The first story they told was about how the Colorado Springs Fire Department may start providing basic medical needs (checking blood pressure, administering insulin, etc) at their stations. It was reported that about 70% of the calls they receive is related to medical needs, so it makes sense that while the firemen are at the station they can do that for those that show up.

The next story was about how a group of Park Rangers and volunteers are headed into the mountains to take care of a bunch of dead cows. They had supposedly wandered into a cabin in the middle of a blizzard and had frozen to death, and now they need to be disposed of. A couple of options on how to deal with them included blowing up the cabin, burning it down, or going in with chainsaws and cutting up the cow carcasses. They chose to cut up the cows.

As I was listening to this, I asked myself, "Is this really today's news?" I wondered if these particular snippets were chosen to pertain to those who generally listen to country music. I decided to flip the radio over to a Christian station, and their news was just happening to air....

The first story was about how the cost of driving a passenger vehicle in America was going up. Because of fuel cost increases, insurance premium increases, and repair costs increasing, the average annual cost of a passenger vehicle is about $8500. The second story was about an elephant at the zoo who likes to play the harmonica. The zoo keeper had noticed the elephant rubbing its trunk and legs against different things and apparently liking the sound of it. So he decided to attach a harmonica to a railing, and the elephant likes to play it. They made a point of saying they don't make the elephant play it, the elephant chooses to play it.

I honestly laughed out loud at the difference between these two radio stations. Each one reported something actually newsworthy, which applied to their audience's interests, then each reported something kinda crazy, which also applied to their audience's interests. When I told her about it, Rachel reacted to the cow story with, "That's GROSS!" But she reacted to the elephant story with, "Aw....I want to see the elephant!" I had the exact opposite reaction. I want to see the cows get cut up and could care less about the elephant.

But I still have to ask, with everything that's going on in the world, in our country, and in our city, that's today's news?

Back to Running

During the past few weeks, the desire to run has been growing in my heart. I love running, but it's been several months since I last did it. And generally speaking, the hardest time for me to run is during the time it takes to get acclimated to it, which for me is about two weeks. But today, I finally decided to do it, and before I could change my mind, I told Rachel that I was going to go for a run after work.

I have two primary motivators driving me to run. One is I know how much I love and need it. The other is that I am getting quite flabby. When I tell my nine-month-pregnant-wife I'm getting fat, she just rolls her eyes and says, "Dear, you have no room to talk." But I'm tired of looking down and seeing my belly stick out. I'm tired of subconsciously sucking in my stomach whenever I'm standing up or moving around And I'm tired of just generally being a couch potato. Sure, I get out and go for walks or hikes, but those are infrequent and obviously aren't enough to use up all the Calories I've consumed over the past several months.

When I left work today, I was excited about going for a run, but by the time I got home, I was in more of a 'meh' attitude about it. Rachel told me all about her day, and I almost succumbed to the couch which was loudly calling my name. But I changed into some shorts and running shoes, put the leash on Sonny, and headed out.

I won't lie, I was a bit disappointed with how I did. I ran three miles in 33 minutes and 15 seconds. This is the same route which I had down to about 22 minutes last year. I had to walk quite a ways today too. I know this was my first time out, but I quickly realized just how badly out of shape I am. It's going to be a long journey back to where I was.

BUT.....I've made that first step. I now know where I'm at. I can see how far I need to go. And I've tasted the joy I experience running. The next couple of weeks are going to be more misery than joy, but I remember what it's like to lose myself in the run: to live in the rhythm of my breathing, to run and not grow weary, to go several miles and wish for more. That remembrance will help drive me to push through the initial pain. I know what's coming.....

I'll keep you posted on my progress. :D

Crazy Dangerous by Andrew Klavan

Crazy Dangerous is a book about a young man trying to do the right thing. The only problem is that he doesn't know what the right thing to do is. Should he protect someone even though he will get a fierce beating for it? Does he listen to the ravings of a girl who's hallucinating about demons, death, and destruction? Should he abide by his father's advice and just let the doctors and police handle things? Should he steal a car to save hundreds of lives? This book, while fraught with moral dilemmas, delivers a compelling and fast-paced read.

I found this book to be very interesting for a number of reasons. First, the writing style is somewhat peculiar. It's written primarily from the perspective of Sam Hopkins as he tries to figure life out, especially when life is dishing out so many curve balls. Every several chapters, the writing shifts to the perspective of a young girl, Jennifer Sales, who is hearing the whispers of demons, seeing strange demonic visions, and is convinced that the only person she can trust is Sam. Another reason I found this book interesting is that it tries to find the balance between mental illness and spiritual warfare. Is Jennifer a prophet having visions of the spiritual battlefield, or is she just a young girl struggling with schizophrenia? A third reason is that this book places the main character into many moral dilemmas, from standing up for someone to breaking the law for the greater good. I was left asking myself the question, "Does the end justify the means?" The author seems to think that it does.

All in all, I would recommend this book. Because it seems to be written to teenagers, I believe the content and questions raised in the story should be followed up by discussion to help work through the various issues and situations the main characters find themselves in. There is a discussion guide at the end of the book which would help facilitate this.

I received a copy of this book from the publishing company and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed here are my own.