These past few weeks I have been learning a lot about myself. One of the more interesting things is how my personality has changed as a result of lack of sleep over an extended period of time.
Normally I would consider myself a very easy-going guy. I'm laid back and it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers. My outlook on life is predominately jovial and I have a really long 'fuse.' I tend to be more extroverted than introverted, and really enjoy being around other people.
But after several weeks of reduced sleep, I would have to describe myself as grumpy. I constantly feel uptight, and it seems the littlest of things irritate me greatly. I have found things to be more black and white than shades of grey, and as a result, I am finding more faults in the people around me. I may not express it audibly, but I am snapping at people in my mind. I really have to be careful in the things I say and in how I say them. Interestingly enough, I'm tending to be more of an introvert than an extrovert now. Truth be told, I don't really want to be around other people. In fact, I've even started to just go sit in my car to eat my lunch, which I would not have dreamed of doing earlier. Instead of being open with people, I'm shutting them out.
And I hate being that way. I hate being grumpy. I hate being irritated at the people I'm surrounded by. I hate hearing myself berate others in my mind over things that really don't matter. And I hate not having the mental and emotional energy to beat down this ugly side of myself.
I am learning in new ways what it means to rely on Jesus for strength. Bible verses about 'waiting on the Lord,' 'serving with the strength God provides,' and 'doing all things through Christ,' are taking on a whole new meaning. It is only through His supernatural influence will I be able to rise above these circumstances and shine His light.
AMEN, brother. Since having kids, we often feel like it's hard for us to explain to other people why we just don't have the time or energy for the "fun" stuff anymore. It's not that we don't like the old activities; we've just experienced the shift from extroversion to introversion. I call it being in "energy saving mode." It gets better as the kids get older, or so I hear. Remember to live with margin, even if that means scaling back on the stuff that's normally fun! And take some time to yourself every so often. (Doug and I are awesome babysitters!)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Melanie! It's easy to forget that we have friends who can relate with what we're going through. It just takes extra effort to reach out to them for help. ;) When we're ready to leave Isaac with a babysitter, we'll definitely be giving you guys a call.
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