There and Back Again: a hobbit's tale

I am sure that my readers are well aware of what a hobbit is, but for those of you who don't, they are creatures which look like humans in a much smaller scale. In addition to their small stature, they possess an amazing appetite which allows them to consume a full meal every two hours with a snack between. Now you must understand that hobbits are creatures which prefer the quiet lifestyle. A typical day in the life of a hobbit is waking up, eating, getting some work done, eating again, napping, playing, eating, playing, eating, napping, playing, eating, and so on until night has come and it is time for a midnight snack then off to bed. They like this quiet lifestyle which is free from danger and absent of adventures.

With this understanding in mind, let me introduce you to Chris, your typical hobbit. His tale begins almost two months ago. One fateful day while he was eating a yummy PB&J right before his mid-morning nap, there was a knock on his door. Wiping the crumbs from his mouth, he got up, walked over to, and opened it to find a very tall man looking down at him. "Are you Chris?" the man boomed.

With jaw dropping and knees quivering, the little hobbit replied, "gulp.....yee..ss.?"

"Chris, I want you to go on an Adventure with me. Off in a distant land there is a dragon which lives at the top of a mountain and makes the best doughnuts. I want these doughnuts, and I am sure you want them too. Will you go with me?"

After a long pause, the man offered Chris a napkin to wipe off the drool running down his chin. Awakening from his fantasy, the timid hobbit replied, "Doughunts! Yes! I'll go with you, but.....what's a mountain?"

"You will see. I will return at 5AM tomorrow to help get you in shape for the journey. Goodbye!" and with that, the man was gone. Chris watched him go wondering who he was, for he was a very good looking man, then he called the oldest hobbit he knew to ask when 5AM was. His nap came early that morning when he fainted at the information.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next several weeks, Chris was forced to do things he never dreamed of. He had to wake up earlier and earlier to walk a steep trail around and around. He didn't know why he was doing this, and the only information given to him was that there were doughnuts waiting at the top of this mountain. Sometimes a faun would join them on these walks, and the hobbit never tired of staring at the half-man, half-goat named Ron.

Then one day, the man told Chris, "You are ready. We will depart for the mountain in two days. Get some rest. It's a long hike."

"Longer than what we've done?" he asked in a panicked voice.

"Yes, much longer. Get some rest. We leave before dawn."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning came much too early for the little hobbit who was very tired of all the training he'd been through, but he had just had a wonderful dream about doughnuts so he got out of bed, put his gear into his pack, which was almost as big as he was, and set out to meet the man and the faun at the base of the mountain.

An interesting side-note is that the mode of transportation hobbits use is actually fueled by ice. Chris' vehicle was no exception. Hobbits are used to the frigid temperatures within their vehicles, and the man was amazed that Chris wasn't shivering in the cold as he was. Chris turned on the heat for him, but it only blew out cold air. Hobbits are weird. End of side-note, now back to the story.

The motley crew consisting of a hobbit, a faun, and a good-looking man set out on the trail to the top of the mountain. Chris, with his enormous pack, fell into pace between Ron and the man. They trekked for a whole twenty minutes when Chris just couldn't go any farther. It was time for his mid-morning nap, so he laid down in the trail, kicked off his shoes, and promptly fell asleep. The man and the faun looked at him for a moment incredulously then woke him up saying there was a looong way to go and he could rest later. They were thankful the few seconds of sleep he got was enough to energize him and he woke with a smile.

first nap of the day

It was another 30 minutes later when Chris stopped and saw an amazing sight. He looked up at the man beside him and asked what it was. Smiling gently, the man replied, "It's a sunrise." Chris stared in wonder as it was the first sunrise any hobbit had ever seen, for they naturally sleep well past it.

The sun rose quickly and the trail broke free from the trees for a moment. Off in the distance something rose about the trees. The man explained it was the mountain they were climbing. "But it's so far!" Chris wailed. The man consoled him by once again describing the doughnuts waiting for him at the top.

Are we there yet?

The hobbit pushed himself so hard, but after only one more hour, he had to take a break. He found a nice looking rock and plopped down, not to be moved. The faun thought the little guy looked so comical sitting there, he had to take a picture.

(notice the size difference between a hobbit and a faun)

After a short break, they set out again, but it didn't take long before everyone started hearing a rumbling sound. At first they thought of bears, but it ended up being Chris' hungry tummy. He opened up his massive pack and started pulling out food. It was now evident why he brought such a big pack. A nearby sign summed up his enormous appetite.

The sign was only knee-high to an averaged sized human

After the meal was over, they set out once again, trying to make up for lost time, while making frequent stops for the tired little hobbit.

another rest-break

Our fearless faun leader

you guessed it - another break

Are we there yet?

Only three miles to go? That means we've walked 10 miles!

The faun got on his knees to see the world through a hobbit's eyes.

Just keep going, just keep going!

Chris taking a break and enjoying the view

"These rocks are nothing for a half-man-half-goat!"

Chris looks big, but Ron is far away.

Another break, of a different sort. Turns out hobbits are a bit shy.

Chris standing on a rock

By this time, they could hear the dragon bellow a couple times every once in a while signalling to the world its presence. A wee little girl and her father were also daring the climb to the summit and were gaining on the trio. Emboldened by her bravery (and desiring to not let the little girl pass them), they set out at a slightly quicker pace. This lasted for all of three minutes which is when the hobbit ran out of steam. The other two tried encouraging him by explaining there were only 16 stairs to go. This perked him up considerably.

Yet another break only 16 stairs from the summit

Three 'stairs' into it, he realized the joke was on him. Each stair involved traversing the boulder field only to switch back and traverse it again....sixteen times. But he stuck with it and was proud of his accomplishment when he stood on the summit.

Made it to the top!

After enjoying their accomplishment, they went inside the shelter to get some refreshments. They ran over to the doughnut counter and were flabbergasted to see the prices the dragon charged. "No wonder the dragon has so much gold!" Ron quipped. Instead of spending their few coins on doughnuts, they waiting a long time to get a piece of meat from the cow slowly rotating on its spit above the fire. They also got some potatoes boiled in hot oil, which were quite satisfying.

The dragon at rest

They rested a little while longer, enjoying the warm fire while the snowstorm raged outside. Then without a word and only a glance, they filled their canteens and headed back home.

Ron asked Chris, "Do you think you can make it back down?"

One last look before descending the mountain

The trip home was much quieter, and there were fewer stops. The hobbit had a lot to think about as he digested his Adventure. It was hard, it was long, but he felt a new emotion bubbling up within him. It was pride. He had done something no other hobbit had. He had climbed a mountain! The thing that had driven him there, namely the doughnuts, were yet to be tasted, but strangely enough, he didn't mind. Those doughnuts would wait for another day....another Adventure.

The man, the faun, and the hobbit (standing on a stool)