To Have or Not to Have? That's the question.

Lately I have been dwelling on the difference between having and not having...especially when it comes to finances.

I live in a first-world country where one can never have 'enough' stuff. There will always be another gadget to buy or something else to add to my collection. And on the flip side, just paying the bills can get expensive. As my wife and I budget our funds, we have a number of 'big-ticket' items we have to account for: mortgage, insurance, utilities, fuel, food, etc. Once we are done allocating those funds, we evaluate what we have left over for the non-essentials: phones, internet, savings, vacations, etc. But we usually try to put some funds into a 'miscellaneous' fund and an 'emergency' fund. These are two allocations which cover various expenses that we can't anticipate. In the eight years we have been married, we have seen the balances of these two funds fluctuate as Life happens.

But what I have observed about myself during these fluctuations is that when there is a healthy balance, it is harder for me to take my needs to Jesus as he asks us to. It is far more natural for me to pull out my credit card, knowing that I can cover the expense. It is incredibly rewarding to know that I have diligently saved my money those times when I need it. But when those funds are empty and things come up, my immediate response is to cry out to my heavenly father for help. And I have yet to encounter a situation where a need arises and He hasn't provided for that need. It is incredibly rewarding to see him meet those needs.

But there is a great deal of tension in the truth that God is the one who meets my every need every time....sometimes it's through providing me with a paycheck and guiding me through saving some of it. Sometimes it's through some other circumstances, like prompting a friend to gift us with a car. God is the source, but whom do I run to in times of need? I have to be honest and tell you that I run to myself and my savings account way more than I ought to. Many times in hindsight I wish that I would not have had as much saved as I did, for in those moments, I missed out on the joys of watching God meet my needs.

So back to my original question, is it better to have or not to have? My answer is, "I don't know." The planner in me reads what the Bible says and interprets it as, "Don't be stupid with your money! Be a good steward! Plan for the future!" But the sold-out follower of Jesus in me reads what the Bible says and interprets it as, "Give it ALL away! Live in the moment! Don't worry about what tomorrow brings! Trust!"

I don't know what the right answer is. Maybe it's that I should discipline myself to take everything to Jesus....not just when it's the most obvious that I need him.

But it's one thing to struggle with this tension as a husband and father with a paycheck. It's another thing to struggle with this as an under-funded missionary. Over the past three years, our ministry account has had a healthy balance so we have failed to take our missionary needs to Jesus and have instead relied on our account balance. But now that our account is empty, we are crying out to Jesus like never before...and he is answering! Not in the ways we expect, nor in ways that we can plan on for the future, but we can't deny that our needs are being met, month by month. Being under-funded is not the best situation to be in as a missionary, but maybe it's not as bad as I thought it was.

It's a new type of tension: I have a responsibility to our organization to be fully-funded, and I have a responsibility to my Savior to trust him. My goal is to fulfill both. Lord, help me!

Toxicity

Seven days ago, Rachel and I started a 30-day detox program. The first two days were horrible. We were grumpy, tired, frustrated, and at each other's throats. The next couple of days were much better, and we've now settled into a routine and life is back to normal. Well, not quite.

Generally speaking, I feel much better than I did before we started the detox. There have been a few definite changes that I've noticed:

1) I've lost weight and inches. I have dropped six pounds over the past week, and my clothes aren't quite so tight. For instance, I put on a shirt this morning and looked in the mirror. The last time I wore this shirt, I could see my belly pressing through, but this morning it hung flat and loose.

2) I'm falling asleep faster, sleeping better, and waking up faster. I'll be the first to admit I am NOT a morning person. I usually wake up with just enough time to shower, pack a lunch, then drive to work (and usually arrive a couple of minutes late). But almost every day this week I have been up before dawn, either going to the gym or helping Rachel start the day. My boss is quite pleased to see me arriving at least fifteen minutes early each day.

3) The 2 o'clock lethargy hour has disappeared. I used to hate the 2-3pm hour because I could hardly focus on anything and I would often roam the office looking for a pick-me-up, whether it be coffee or cake or whatever. But the afternoon isn't really a problem for me any more.


I know I'm only a week into the program, and there are four more weeks to go, but I'm really looking forward to seeing how my body continues to improve. But it's also very eye-opening to see what the effects of toxicity are. I never would have thought my 'normal' life could be so much better by simply eating differently.

If you want to read a day-by-day log of our detox, check out Rachel's blog.

Words

I know it's not the smartest thing to do, but I sometimes read books on my drive to and from work. It's a very slow process since I can usually only read a paragraph or two at a time while the lights are red....then there are days when I don't get to read at all because every light is green. Am I the only one who hopes for a red light?

I'm currently reading the book Princeps' Fury by Jim Butcher. It's book 5 of 6 in a series, and every book  is very well written. As I sat in my car at a red light this morning, the few paragraphs I read left my heart pounding in my chest and adrenaline coursing through my veins. I was hanging onto every word, not able to read fast enough.....then the light turned green.

The rest of my drive (which was unfortunately red-light free), I pondered what had happened.  How could a few letters strung together make my body react that way? That adrenaline woke me up far faster and more thoroughly than a cup of coffee, and it was generated by a very small portion of text! Words carry with them an incredible power. At their basest form, they convey thoughts and concepts, but they can also paint pictures, convey emotions, and even create entire worlds.

Maybe that's why James made a point of saying, "....be quick to listen and slow to speak...." If we truly considered what we are about to say before we say it, would we still use those same words? I get myself into a lot of trouble at times because I open my mouth and speak before I think. I'm definitely going to make an attempt at fixing that.



And in case you're wondering, here's what I read in those few moments:


".....In order to kill Kalarus Brencis Minoris and survive the exchange herself, Amara would have to open up his throat wide with the stone-bladed dagger she held in her hand. Or else sink it to the hilt in one of his eyes or ears. There was absolutely no room for error.
     Brencis, on the other hand, could snap her neck with a thrust of his arm, burn her to bones with a flick of his fingers, or sweep her head clean of her neck with a single motion of his excellent-quality sword.
It seemed a trifle unfair.
     But then, she’d never really expected a series of equitable situations when she’d joined the Cursors.
     Crows take you, Gaius. Even when I walked away from your service, you managed to draw me back into it.
     Moving silent and unseen had become second nature to her over the past days. She drifted past the guards standing about the courtyard, walking slowly, calmly, and carefully. She paused several times, to let one of the collared Alerans pass nearby, before she continued. Stealth had a great deal more to do with patience and the ability to remain calm when there was very little reason to do so than with any amount of personal agility.
     It took her perhaps ten minutes to move from the shelter of the alley to the side of the platform opposite Brencis’s table. It took another five to slide around the platform and stop beside the stairs leading from the floor of the courtyard up to the auction stage. When Brencis finished eating, he would go back up the stairs to collar the next victim, and Amara would drive her dagger into his brain. He would fall. She would take to the skies immediately, and be gone from the meager light of the furylamps before anyone could react. It couldn’t be simpler.
     In matters such as that, simplicity was a deadly weapon in its own right.
     It took Brencis several more moments to finish dinner, before he pushed his plate away and rose.
Amara settled her grip on the handle of the stone knife and relaxed her muscles, preparing for the single, blindingly swift strike that was her only chance at success."


.....and I have to wait until lunch to find out what happens.

A New Resolution

Our small group at church has been reading through the New Testament in an 8-week period. The 'book' we have been using has removed all chapter/verse references so it's easier to read it as it was written….mostly as letters from one person to another. When reading it in big chunks like that, it's easier to pick out certain themes. For instance, one of the themes that stood out to me was that Paul kept needing to address was about how the believers were treating their bodies: the issue of circumcision (or not), eating food sacrificed to idols (or not), engaging in sexual immorality, and a variety of other body-related issues that kept arising. 

I don't think we struggle with those same exact same issues today, but the message that Paul gave repeatedly is still pertinent:

1. There is little required of you physically after you are saved

2. Salvation brings freedom, but don't abuse it

3. Remember that you are no longer your own - God owns you; you are now a slave to Christ

In other words, you don't have to treat your body well, but you ought to out of reverence for Jesus.

So that's been rolling around in my head lately, then last weekend I went skiing at Monarch Mountain, and if you've read my latest blog post, you know what happened there. Someone stopped us at the top and entertained two of my nephews by telling them that if they pee on one side of the Continental Divide, it will end up in the Atlantic,and if they pee on the other side, it will end up in the Pacific. That got me to thinking about the long-term consequences of decisions and actions. I ended that post by asking,  "will we continue making the choices we want to despite knowing the outcome? If you know the information is accurate and the person is trustworthy, why would you ignore it?"

Then…..I saw this video on YouTube.

Rachel watched a few minutes of that video with me, then had to look away. She didn't want to hear it since she loves her Coke. After it was over, I asked her what she thought, and she said, "I guess we're switching to Pepsi!"

But listen to some of the statements that are made:

1. Coke has been known to accelerate aging and cause high cholesterol.

3. The calories in Coca-cola products have no nutritional value.

4. If you choose to live a healthy lifestyle, then you should not be drinking any Coke products.

5. If you drink Coke, you'll get fatter and fatter. The solution is simple….don't drink Coke. It's killing you and your family.

I don't know about you, but the culmination of what I've been reading in the Bible, what God's been showing me through my daily interactions, and finally this commercial have really convicted me that I'm not taking very good care of what's been entrusted to me, nor have I been leading my family to do so, especially in the area of drinking soda (we have been going through almost a 12-pack of coke a week).

So going back to the questions on my last post, "will I continue making the choices I want to despite knowing the outcome? If I know the information is accurate and the source is trustworthy, why would I ignore it?"

So in light of all that, I'm saying goodbye to soda. I love it, it tastes great, but it's slowly killing me. It's not going to be easy, but I think it'll be worth it.

Peeing on the Continental Divide

Last weekend I went skiing at Monarch Mountain with some family and friends, including two of my nephews. One of the lifts we rode took us to the very top of the mountain range. We stood there looking at the trail-map, and someone came up to us and gave us some recommendations on the slopes to take. He then asked the boys, "Do you know what you're standing on? It's the Continental Divide. If you were to pee over here, it would end up in the Atlantic Ocean. But if you were to pee over there, it would end up in the Pacific Ocean. And if you were to pee right here, well, some of it might end up in the Atlantic and some might end up in the Pacific!" He then waved goodbye and was on his way.

Unless you drank A LOT of water that morning, I highly doubt that any amount of pee would be recognizable as such by the time it reached one of the oceans. But the guy was 100% correct. Any water landing on the East side of the Continental Divide ends up in the Atlantic, while any water on the West side ends up in the Pacific....and if you were standing there with a full bladder, you could decide where it was going to go. As the crow flies, it's about 1000 miles to the Pacific Ocean, and about 1700 miles to the Atlantic. Standing on top of the Continental Divide, you can't see either ocean, but that's the final destination nonetheless.

We make decisions like that every day. We can't actually see where that decision will end up, but it will end up there regardless. Sometimes it takes someone else (even a total stranger) to stop by and tell us where a decision might lead. But if that happens, will we listen? Will we make an adjustment? Or will we continue making the choices we want to despite knowing the outcome?

If you were to pick up a cigarette and someone tell you that smoking leads to cancer, would you still smoke? If you were to pick up a can of soda and someone tell you that drinking soda leads to obesity, would you still drink it? If you were about to throw some plastic away and someone tell you that it damages the earth's ecosystem, would you still throw it away?

I understand that you have to trust that the person is telling you the truth, but if you know the information is accurate and the person is trustworthy, why would you ignore it?

What's a 'person'

Last night we watched "Robot and Frank," which I think is a pretty good movie. Rachel thought it was very sad, but we did find ourselves laughing at several parts and had a good discussion afterward.

The basic premise is that an older man (who is fighting dementia) is given a robot to assist him around the house and help improve his health and overall well-being. Frank initially rejects this idea but grows to appreciate the Robot. Early on in their 'relationship,' the Robot tells Frank that it is not a person, it is just hardware and software designed for a specific purpose. But when Frank's kids later refer to the robot as being nothing more than a mechanical slave, Frank responds with, "I need him. He's my friend." At the end of the movie, Frank has to do a factory-reset on the Robot, thereby erasing its memory. The Robot again assures Frank that there is no problem doing so since it is not a person.

But the Robot is a person in Frank's mind! Frank would not have attached himself in the ways he did to the Robot if he really believed it was just hardware and software. And it took the Robot repeatedly assuring and almost even begging Frank to wipe it before Frank finally was willing to do so.

The movie got me wondering 'What makes an entity a person?" I've come to the conclusion that whatever it is, it has to come from either within the entity or be projected onto it from someone else.

"I think therefore I am!" is a philosophical argument that 'personhood' comes from within.

Pro-abortionists believe that fetuses are not people and use arguments that 'personhood' is projected onto them at birth (or at whatever week gestation the particular pro-abortionist draws the line).

Frank obviously projected 'personhood' onto the Robot, but the Robot was the first to admit that it was not a person.

So what is it? Help me out here!

A Valentine's Day Date

Seven years ago today, Rachel and I went on a Valentine's Day date.

I know what you must be thinking, "Valentine's Day was yesterday!" That's very true. And you might be interested to know that we would have gone out that night instead, but I had a college class I needed to attend. To make up for my one-day delay, I dropped off a bunch of roses and chocolates and a nice card at her house before heading to class.

The next night, we went to dinner. We reminisced about all the time we'd spent together over the past several years....some of those officially 'dating' and others being 'just friends.' After dinner was over, we went for a stroll along the river, meandering through town. We found ourselves crossing a bridge onto an island in the river where a park was. We had a lot of memories there. It was where we went for our first date. It was where we first held each other's hands. It was where I first told her "I love you." I had even carved our initials into a fallen log, and we made our way over to it to see if we could find them.

We sat on the log for a while just talking, then I told Rachel I had a song I wanted her to listen to. I told her to just close her eyes and focus on the words.



While she did that, I knelt in the snow and laid out some tea candles, and attempted to light them in the falling rain. She quietly said that the song was over, and I told her to turn around and open her eyes. She did so, and saw me on a knee next to a partially lit message, "I ❤ U ∞" and holding a ring up to her.

I asked her, "Rachel, will you marry me?" In shock, she responded, "WHAT?" so I repeated the question, this time with a grin. I waited in anticipation, my heart beating like crazy.

Then I heard the best thing ever.....she said Yes!

And after almost seven years of marriage, I am still so very glad she said yes.

Being the Encourager

If you read my Facebook posts recently, you know that last night Rachel and I went to the gym, where she kept up with me and ran 3 miles, did over 100 pushups and over 200 crunches. I can't begin to describe how proud I am of her, and as I was thinking over that hour or so, this thought kept surfacing, "Neither she nor I would have done all that had it not been for me encouraging her."

For her, she needed to hear the encouragement to keep on going. I kept telling her that she was doing awesome, that it was only a little bit further, that she could do it. I banged the floor and demanded another pushup. As I ran beside her, I whispered to her that I was proud of her. For over an hour I kept the tempo of encouragement up and she did it all: 3.1 miles, 110 pushups, 220 crunches.

For me, I needed to keep on going in order to be able to encourage her. I wanted her to do it all, and I knew she wanted to do it all. I also knew that I had to lead by example and if I quit she wasn't going to push me on. There was one point where she was out of breath and wanted so badly to stop running. I was in exactly the same boat - I could hardly talk I was so out of breath, but I had to keep going so I could encourage her to keep going. Instead of doing our reps of pushups at the same time, I had to race through mine so I could kneel next to her and talk her through her reps.

What I realized is that if you want to be an 'encourager,' you will have to demand more out of yourself. My words would have had little power if I was sitting beside the track drinking lemonade and telling Rachel to keep on running. I had to push myself harder than I was pushing Rachel so that I would be able to push Rachel. And at the end of the day, we both crossed that finish line!

A Better Place

On my way into work this morning, I was listening to the DJs on the radio station talk about a recent article published talking about how employees of certain vocations thought they were making the world a worse place because of their jobs. A couple of examples are Fast Food workers, Telemarketers, and Dealers at casinos. Bear in mind that it was the employees themselves that were making the claim. Anyway, the DJs were asking the audience how their job was making the world a better place.

So here's how what I do is making the world a better place:

1) I am directly helping the people I work with by keeping their computers running. Since they're not as frustrated with their computers, they're able to focus on their tasks with better clarity. This allows them to do better at their job, aiding their happiness and lowering their stress levels.

2) I am indirectly helping other co-workers around the world by playing a part in keeping our entire infrastructure functional. This allows the ongoing work of HCJB Global to progress.

3) I am indirectly helping people I don't know around the world through the ongoing work of HCJB Global. HCJB Global is improving lives in countries all over by meeting physical needs through hospitals, clinics, clean water, and other community development projects.

4) I am helping to spread the good news about Jesus. Jesus Christ is the only one with the power to truly transform lives for the better. Humanity, left by itself, will deteriorate and degrade....call it the Law of Human Entropy. But Jesus can turn that around. Humanity with Jesus will continually improve, and that is why I'm trying to spread the news about him.

Those are the four reasons that quickly came to mind on how my job is making the world a better place. Is your job improving the world, making it worse, or isn't doing anything at all? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

The River (book review)

The River, by Michael Neale, is not only the story of a young man dealing with the ghosts of his past, it's also a story about him finding his life's calling and embracing his destiny.

As a boy living in the mountains of Colorado, Gabriel Clarke watched his father sacrifice himself to The River to save another man's life. Heroic though the action may have been, from his 5-year-old perspective, Gabriel's father abandoned him. After that, Gabriel moved to Kansas to live with his mother.

The following years spent on the farm were simple and horrible. Gabriel, not able to escape the pain and the loss, struggled to make it through each day. By the time he turned twelve, he still had an incredible fear of water, and it was only through the gift of a fishing rod that he was able to re-encounter The River in a healing way.

As a young adult, he gets pulled away from Kansas by some friends to go camping in Colorado. There he has a supernatural experience with The River which replaces much of his fear with awe. He goes white-water rafting and feels himself come alive. That camping trip was too short so he later returns to Colorado to spend the summer working at the white-water rafting camp. There he learns much about his past and has an encounter that, depending on how he handles it, will change the course of his life forever.

While I found this book to be entertaining, there were many instances which pointed to the author's inexperience as a writer. For instance, the story is told to us by someone who meets Gabriel Clarke in an airport. Gabriel tells the narrator his story, who then shares Gabriel's story to us "as he told it to me." I would expect it to then be written from Gabriel's perspective (as it would have been originally told to the narrator). Instead, it was written in third person narration. Either Gabriel is one strange duck who narrates his own life, or the author made a big oopsie.

In addition, the dialogue and story line were very simply written and stated many of the characteristics of the various characters instead of showing them. For instance, we are told that Gabriel has 'hard days' and 'easy days' as a child, but we never really know what that means. We are told that on a 'hard day' he retreats to a secret place in his mind, but we are never allowed to join him there. (Another indicator that the story is not really being told "as he told it to me")

All in all, I'd give the book 3/5 stars, which reflects more of my appreciation of the way Colorado, mountains, and rivers are portrayed than it does for the story itself. I will say this though - I was on the brink of tears the last couple chapters of the book. It's an emotional tale that I did connect to...especially toward the end.

I received a copy of this book from the publishing company and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed here are my own.

If We Survive (Book Review)

I read Andrew Klavan's Crazy Dangerous a while back, so I came into If We Survive with some expectations regarding pace, prose, etc. I was not disappointed. This was a very fun, very fast read, which follows a group of kids through the jungles of Costa Verdes, dodging bullets, poisonous snakes, and raging rapids in an attempt to escape with their very lives. 

The main character is Will Peterson, a 'normal' 16-year-old who wants to be a hero. He went on a missions-trip/school project to Costa Verdes to help rebuild a school, and minutes before they leave the country, a revolution breaks out. Because of their being Americans, and because they tick one of the leaders off, they are set to be executed. They narrowly escape, and it's a run for their lives for the border.

In the midst of a gripping tale, Andrew Klavan manages to weave in some complex ideas.....ideas like how to cope with killing someone in battle, the discrepancy between what we read and what really is happening in other parts of the world, and questions like "am I so very different from murderous revolutionaries?" or "what does it mean to be a hero?"

Needless to say, I would highly recommend this book. 

I received a copy of this book from the publishing company and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Me? a Leader?

Sometimes you hear something a number of times, but it's not until it's said a certain way that everything all of a sudden becomes clear. The connection between me and being a 'leader' finally clicked for me.

I was sharing with a friend how I often feel pressure to step up and be a 'leader.' People have frequently told me I'm a natural leader, but I've never understood that. I don't have the type of personality or drive to be a leader, and while I understand that anyone who has influence in the life of another is a leader, it just never seemed to hit home with me. But in one moment, my friend made everything seem clear. He said, "There's a difference between a business leader and a people leader. You are a people leader."

Upon reflection, I can see that I have been told that a number of times in a number of different ways, but it wasn't until that moment that I suddenly felt a freedom to embrace my leadership qualities and responsibilities. I can lead people....I can't lead a business.

I think there has been an underlying fear that if I became a 'leader,' I'd have to figure out how to run a department, business, or organization. I don't want to do that. I have no desire to rise in the ranks. I have no dreams of being the head honcho. I am perfectly happy in my placement on the org chart. So when I received pressure to become a 'leader,' I understood it to mean that I needed to change what makes me who I am.

But now that the lightbulb has turned on, I understand that I don't need to change who I am to be a leader. But I do need to maintain a greater awareness of how and where I am leading people. For instance, I have the ability to either incite mutiny or foster teamwork in my workplace. While this is definitely a heavy responsibility, it's really just paying closer attention to something I do naturally anyway.

Here's to friends who turn the lightbulbs on for us! :D

The LORD Provides

Earlier this week I was pondering the story of Abraham almost killing his son, Isaac. God told Abraham to do it and waited to the last minute to stop him from following through with it in order to test him. One thing that stood out to me was that after all was said and done, Abraham named that location 'The LORD Provides." It struck me that he didn't name it "The LORD Tests." I think it's safe to say Abraham was an optimist. :D

This evening I had my own "The LORD Provides" moment: I was leaving work, and just as I was getting ready to turn onto the street, I saw some sort of case lying in the gutter. I got out, picked it up, climbed back in my car, opened it, and saw that it was a practically-complete socket/wrench set! 

The socket set I have is old and cheap, so I have been wanting a new socket set for a long time. But I never seemed to have the funds to buy it. Tonight, the Lord dropped it in my lap - and not only a socket set, but the exact one I've been eyeing at Walmart! 

I examined it closely to see if there were any identifying marks on it, and even looked in the local Craigslist Lost&Found, but I don't have a clue who it might have belonged to, or how it ended up in the gutter.

I don't think it's a coincidence that on Monday I was exploring the concept of God's provision, and on Friday I had a first-hand experience with it. As Rachel and I work through supporters dropping off and our support needs increasing, this is a timely reminder that God is our Provider.

Recent Trip to Spain

I recently got back from a nine-day trip to Spain for work, and toward the end of the trip, I was asked if I had experienced any major surprises on the trip. I responded that there were a lot of little paradigm shifts, but nothing major. Upon further consideration, I realize that all of the little things really do add up. I won't take the time to go into everything, but these are a couple of the 'bigger' things:

To begin with, I was quite humbled by my interaction with the people there. The only other times I have traveled overseas, it was to a second or third-world country where I and what I brought were obviously very needed. On those trips, I was, in a sense, enlightening the people with whom I interacted. On this recent trip to Spain, which is a first-world country, I quickly understood that those I was interacting with were very much peers, and I had as much to learn from them as they might learn from me. I really didn't realize the pride I had in my knowledge until I found myself asking them for advice and recognizing the wisdom in what they were sharing.

I also found confirmation that I am an introvert. I love being around other people, interacting with them, going to parties, etc, and as a result, I often wonder if I'm more of an extrovert than an introvert. But being forced into an environment where I wasn't comfortable, I felt myself fighting a tendency to withdraw. I spent time there in self-evaluation, and that tendency, along with a few other things, led me to the conclusion that I, at my core, am an introvert. This realization didn't necessarily surprise me, but I am still figuring out the ramifications of it.

There are other mental-shifts that happened while I was there, but these are the two which most readily came to mind. As everything continues to sink in, I'm sure other things will surface, but for now, these have risen to the top.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After reading back through this, I see that I haven't written this very eloquently, and it may be hard to follow, but I've found that it's very hard for me to verbalize my emotions and describe the way I view the world. If you would like me to elaborate or explain further anything I've written, let me know. Thanks!

David and the Old Man (Book Review)

David and the Old Man is the tale of William Zemba (the author) and his family. Specifically, the story is about growing up with his brother, David, and watching his interactions with their father.

Their father, referred to in the book as the Old Man, grew up on a farm, and when he established his own home, continued to grow fresh produce in his prized garden. The Zemba family revolved around the growing, cooking, eating, and enjoyment of the bountiful harvest, so when David refused to eat anything, it was met with incredulity, shock, and frustration.

David became anorexic. Because of the harsh control of the Old Man, David grabbed control over a small part of his life, namely his eating habits. Then he lost control, and anorexia started controlling him.

David's anorexia came close to tearing their family apart and almost killed his mother and himself. Then an incredible thing happened....they were saved by Jesus Christ. He not only saved their souls, he saved their lives too.

David and the Old Man is a glimpse into the redeeming work that Jesus Christ can do in a life. It's a glimpse into what living with an anorexic is like as well. William pulls the reader into the story as if they are actually there witnessing the events as they unfold, and after reading this book, I feel like I know the Zemba family.

The author has much to learn about writing, but his format is raw and honest. The actual story ended about 2/3rds of the way through the book, and the rest was reflections from himself, his sisters, and his anorexic brother. The message of hope, redemption, and masculine responsibility are dumped on you at the end in a way where upon thinking back over the story, it all makes sense!

I would recommend this book for anyone curious about anorexia, wondering if Jesus can really change lives, or those who want to experience the power of a father's role in a child's life.


I received a copy of this book from the publishing company and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed here are my own.

There and Back Again: a hobbit's tale

I am sure that my readers are well aware of what a hobbit is, but for those of you who don't, they are creatures which look like humans in a much smaller scale. In addition to their small stature, they possess an amazing appetite which allows them to consume a full meal every two hours with a snack between. Now you must understand that hobbits are creatures which prefer the quiet lifestyle. A typical day in the life of a hobbit is waking up, eating, getting some work done, eating again, napping, playing, eating, playing, eating, napping, playing, eating, and so on until night has come and it is time for a midnight snack then off to bed. They like this quiet lifestyle which is free from danger and absent of adventures.

With this understanding in mind, let me introduce you to Chris, your typical hobbit. His tale begins almost two months ago. One fateful day while he was eating a yummy PB&J right before his mid-morning nap, there was a knock on his door. Wiping the crumbs from his mouth, he got up, walked over to, and opened it to find a very tall man looking down at him. "Are you Chris?" the man boomed.

With jaw dropping and knees quivering, the little hobbit replied, "gulp.....yee..ss.?"

"Chris, I want you to go on an Adventure with me. Off in a distant land there is a dragon which lives at the top of a mountain and makes the best doughnuts. I want these doughnuts, and I am sure you want them too. Will you go with me?"

After a long pause, the man offered Chris a napkin to wipe off the drool running down his chin. Awakening from his fantasy, the timid hobbit replied, "Doughunts! Yes! I'll go with you, but.....what's a mountain?"

"You will see. I will return at 5AM tomorrow to help get you in shape for the journey. Goodbye!" and with that, the man was gone. Chris watched him go wondering who he was, for he was a very good looking man, then he called the oldest hobbit he knew to ask when 5AM was. His nap came early that morning when he fainted at the information.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next several weeks, Chris was forced to do things he never dreamed of. He had to wake up earlier and earlier to walk a steep trail around and around. He didn't know why he was doing this, and the only information given to him was that there were doughnuts waiting at the top of this mountain. Sometimes a faun would join them on these walks, and the hobbit never tired of staring at the half-man, half-goat named Ron.

Then one day, the man told Chris, "You are ready. We will depart for the mountain in two days. Get some rest. It's a long hike."

"Longer than what we've done?" he asked in a panicked voice.

"Yes, much longer. Get some rest. We leave before dawn."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning came much too early for the little hobbit who was very tired of all the training he'd been through, but he had just had a wonderful dream about doughnuts so he got out of bed, put his gear into his pack, which was almost as big as he was, and set out to meet the man and the faun at the base of the mountain.

An interesting side-note is that the mode of transportation hobbits use is actually fueled by ice. Chris' vehicle was no exception. Hobbits are used to the frigid temperatures within their vehicles, and the man was amazed that Chris wasn't shivering in the cold as he was. Chris turned on the heat for him, but it only blew out cold air. Hobbits are weird. End of side-note, now back to the story.

The motley crew consisting of a hobbit, a faun, and a good-looking man set out on the trail to the top of the mountain. Chris, with his enormous pack, fell into pace between Ron and the man. They trekked for a whole twenty minutes when Chris just couldn't go any farther. It was time for his mid-morning nap, so he laid down in the trail, kicked off his shoes, and promptly fell asleep. The man and the faun looked at him for a moment incredulously then woke him up saying there was a looong way to go and he could rest later. They were thankful the few seconds of sleep he got was enough to energize him and he woke with a smile.

first nap of the day

It was another 30 minutes later when Chris stopped and saw an amazing sight. He looked up at the man beside him and asked what it was. Smiling gently, the man replied, "It's a sunrise." Chris stared in wonder as it was the first sunrise any hobbit had ever seen, for they naturally sleep well past it.

The sun rose quickly and the trail broke free from the trees for a moment. Off in the distance something rose about the trees. The man explained it was the mountain they were climbing. "But it's so far!" Chris wailed. The man consoled him by once again describing the doughnuts waiting for him at the top.

Are we there yet?

The hobbit pushed himself so hard, but after only one more hour, he had to take a break. He found a nice looking rock and plopped down, not to be moved. The faun thought the little guy looked so comical sitting there, he had to take a picture.

(notice the size difference between a hobbit and a faun)

After a short break, they set out again, but it didn't take long before everyone started hearing a rumbling sound. At first they thought of bears, but it ended up being Chris' hungry tummy. He opened up his massive pack and started pulling out food. It was now evident why he brought such a big pack. A nearby sign summed up his enormous appetite.

The sign was only knee-high to an averaged sized human

After the meal was over, they set out once again, trying to make up for lost time, while making frequent stops for the tired little hobbit.

another rest-break

Our fearless faun leader

you guessed it - another break

Are we there yet?

Only three miles to go? That means we've walked 10 miles!

The faun got on his knees to see the world through a hobbit's eyes.

Just keep going, just keep going!

Chris taking a break and enjoying the view

"These rocks are nothing for a half-man-half-goat!"

Chris looks big, but Ron is far away.

Another break, of a different sort. Turns out hobbits are a bit shy.

Chris standing on a rock

By this time, they could hear the dragon bellow a couple times every once in a while signalling to the world its presence. A wee little girl and her father were also daring the climb to the summit and were gaining on the trio. Emboldened by her bravery (and desiring to not let the little girl pass them), they set out at a slightly quicker pace. This lasted for all of three minutes which is when the hobbit ran out of steam. The other two tried encouraging him by explaining there were only 16 stairs to go. This perked him up considerably.

Yet another break only 16 stairs from the summit

Three 'stairs' into it, he realized the joke was on him. Each stair involved traversing the boulder field only to switch back and traverse it again....sixteen times. But he stuck with it and was proud of his accomplishment when he stood on the summit.

Made it to the top!

After enjoying their accomplishment, they went inside the shelter to get some refreshments. They ran over to the doughnut counter and were flabbergasted to see the prices the dragon charged. "No wonder the dragon has so much gold!" Ron quipped. Instead of spending their few coins on doughnuts, they waiting a long time to get a piece of meat from the cow slowly rotating on its spit above the fire. They also got some potatoes boiled in hot oil, which were quite satisfying.

The dragon at rest

They rested a little while longer, enjoying the warm fire while the snowstorm raged outside. Then without a word and only a glance, they filled their canteens and headed back home.

Ron asked Chris, "Do you think you can make it back down?"

One last look before descending the mountain

The trip home was much quieter, and there were fewer stops. The hobbit had a lot to think about as he digested his Adventure. It was hard, it was long, but he felt a new emotion bubbling up within him. It was pride. He had done something no other hobbit had. He had climbed a mountain! The thing that had driven him there, namely the doughnuts, were yet to be tasted, but strangely enough, he didn't mind. Those doughnuts would wait for another day....another Adventure.

The man, the faun, and the hobbit (standing on a stool)

Training

Four weeks ago I decided to hike Pikes Peak with two friends. The route we chose to take was equivalent to a marathon, 26.2 miles roundtrip. Knowing I needed to get in shape for the hike, I tried running the 3-mile loop we found near our house. I didn't make it. I ended up walking most of the way. That day was a major wake-up call to where I was at physically. If I was going to hike 26 miles and climb 7500 feet in elevation, I was going to need to shape up!

This morning, four days before the hike, I ran 6 miles in under an hour. It's nothing to really brag about, but it shows how far I've come. I went from not even being able to run one mile to running six and knowing I could keep going! But like most major changes, this did not occur overnight.

• The first thing I needed was a goal to strive for - a vision to grab onto. In this case, it was a long, intense hike. Most people who hike this trail only go one-way. They usually get a ride back down the mountain. Hiking one-way would be intense, but I needed the challenge of going both directions.

• The second thing I needed was accountability. In this case, it was two other guys who also needed to get in shape. Of the three of us, I had the farthest to go though. One of the guys has been climbing mountains his whole life and this summer spent almost every weekend out on the trails. The other guy has also hiked a number of mountains this summer in addition to swimming and training for a half-marathon. As for me? I played slow-pitch softball this summer....not the most intense activity that's for sure!
• These guys made sure I kept at it. Whether it was a discussion at work or a text asking what I was doing, I couldn't have kept my motivation without their help. And it went the other way too! The only time I could consistently do any trail mileage was before work, so I was hitting the trail (and often dragging the guys with me) at 6am, 5am, even 4am!

• And the third thing I needed was to celebrate my progress. I needed someway of tracking my progress. I pushed myself to go farther faster, and it paid off. A couple weeks ago I tried a new trail and expected it to take me about 45-60 minutes to reach the summit of a small mountain, but it only took 30! I was at the top of Red Mountain not even out of breath, disappointed I didn't have farther to go. Last week I hiked almost 11 miles in less than 3 hours, and this morning I ran 6 miles in under an hour.

I'll let you know how the actual hike goes, but the training for it has been incredible. I have hiked more in the past four weeks than I have in the past year. I have tried new trails, explored new areas, and set new personal records.

As I think about doing anything worthwhile, those three things I mentioned are vitally important:

1. Have a goal to strive for - a vision to grab onto
2. Find some accountability
3. Celebrate your progress

Is there anything worthwhile you're wanting to do?

Early morning hike

4:15AM - My alarm went off. I hit snooze once, then roll out of bed when it goes off again. In my drowsiness, I get dressed, make a sandwich for lunch, grab my bags, and head out the door. I marvel that all the lights are green for me as I drive to my office building.

4:47AM - I get to the office and am disappointed that I was the only car in the parking lot. Neither Ron nor Chris, the two guys who were going to hike with me, are there yet. I take my laptop into the office and leave it there for safekeeping. I climb back in my car and try not to fall asleep.

4:57AM - My phone rings. It's one of the guys, Chris, calling to say he overslept and wouldn't be joining us. After hanging up with him I call the other guy, Ron, to see if he was on his way. He confirms it and pulls in next to me minutes later. I jump in the car with him and we drive off, both of us commenting on how great coffee would be just then.

5:22AM - We turn on our headlamps and start up the trail. Ron leads at first but after a few minutes lets me pass. Because of my long legs and our needing to train for a long hike next month, I set a very quick pace and we fly up the trail. My eyes don't leave the little circle of light on the trail so I won't trip over anything, but we occasionally look over our shoulders and see the lights of Colorado Springs glimmering below us. It is beautiful, but we don't have time to stop. We have to keep moving. Soon it becomes light enough to turn off our lamps. My eyes play tricks on me with the rocks but we maintain our quick pace.

6:00AM - We reach the summit, and take a moment to catch our breaths. Ron tells me that this was the fastest he's ever gone on this trail. Normally it takes him more than an hour to come this far, and it's only been 38 minutes. The sun hasn't made it above the horizon yet, but it's getting close. My eyes go back to the trail and we continue our rapid pace, grateful that it the next four miles are all down hill.

6:15AM - I look to my left and see the sun. It is an amazing sunrise, and we take a few moments to absorb the beauty of it. I snap a quick picture, and it's back to the trail again.

We aren't breathing nearly as hard since we're going downhill so we talk about a wide variety of topics: our spouses, refinancing, camping, hiking, and saving for vacations to name a few. The day is getting brighter and brighter, and we pause to let a runner pass us. As we get closer to end of the trail, we are amazed at how quickly we hiked it. We talk of how we could do it faster and what sort of time-goal to set for the next time. Thirty minutes to the top and an hour back down sound about right.

7:08AM - We arrive back at the car. We had just traversed 5.3 miles in an hour and forty-five minutes. We went thirty minutes faster than we had expected, so we decide to stop at Starbucks to get our coffee before going to work. All I can think about is, "Let's do that again!"

Christians and Conservatives

I know it’s been a couple of weeks since the whole eat-at-Chick-Fil-A-to-show-you-support-them thing, which for a lot of people was really an eat-at-Chick-Fil-A-to-show-you’re-anti-gay thing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the whole ‘gay’ situation in America, and a couple of things bother me:

1) Conservatives who blame their view on what the Bible says
2) Christians who react to current events out of their Conservative perspective.


Hear me out – ‘Christian’ does NOT equal ‘Conservative,’ and ‘Conservative'  does NOT equal ‘Christian.' They will often times go hand in hand, but they are not synonymous, and it's foolish to act like they are. Doing so will ultimately give Christianity a bad name and hinder the Gospel.

As a Conservative, you would probably vote against gay marriages (or any other gay agenda), but don't say it's because the Bible told you so. The Bible also speaks against drunkenness, substance abuse, sex outside of marriage, the sanctity of life, fiscal responsibility, caring for the poor, orphans, and widows, and a host of other things. But some of these topics have become social 'norm' so most Conservatives don't speak up about them nor do they seem to even care about them. Conservatism is a political view and will only rise up when there is a political issue at stake. The problem is that most people confuse a political issue with a moral issue. Conservatives need to think about the political issues with the perspective of "What are the costs/benefits of this issue for the USA?" and not "Is this issue right or wrong?"

Christianity, not Conservatism, deals with moral issues. Is gay marriage right? Is abortion wrong? Would it be right to legalize marijuana? and does it matter whether it is right or wrong? It may be true that the USA was founded on Christian principles, but we are far from being a Christian nation, so let's not pretend we are. Instead of polarized political issues, we should care about the people affected by those issues. We should be focused on telling people about Jesus, because in the end, it's all about Him.

You might react, "But wait, isn't homosexuality wrong? Don't we have a responsibility to prevent that kind of behavior?" to which I'd reply, "I don't really care if homosexuality is right or wrong. I cannot show a non-Christian a Biblical moral standard and expect them to live by it. Jesus Christ works in the individual to transform behavior, but it is incredibly foolish on my part to throw individuals up against the standard presented in the Bible and expect them to change their ways. My Christian responsibility is to disciple people to Christ, and NOT to change them."

I am reminded of the lyrics of a song by Derrick Webb:


I’m so tired of these mortal men
with their hands on their wallets and their hearts full of sin
scared of their enemies, scared of their friends
and always running for re-election
so come to DC if it be thy will
because we’ve never had a savior on Capitol Hill

you can always trust the devil or a politician
to be the devil or a politician
but beyond that friends you’d best beware
’cause at the Pentagon bar they’re an inseparable pair
and as long as the lobbyists are paying their bills
we’ll never have a savior on Capitol Hill


In closing, remember that Jesus did not come to transform political arenas. He came to transform your heart.

An extended stay....at the hospital!

This past week, Rachel and I spent six nights and seven days in the hospital due to Rachel having gall bladder issues which led to surgery which led to pancreatitis. Here's a quick timeline of events:


Saturday, 7/7/12: Rachel started having some severe abdominal pains. This was the third time in the past two months Rachel felt this pain, and both previous times it went away in a few hours, and we tried treating it with heartburn medications. Rachel took heartburn medication again which did nothing to help, so she took some anti-gas medication, which did not help. She spent the entire night in agony.


Sunday, 7/8/12: Rachel spent the day on the couch. By mid-afternoon the pain was starting to subside, and as long as she didn't move she felt alright. That evening the pain was mostly gone.


Monday, 7/9/12: Rachel woke up without any pain. I headed off to work, and Rachel got back to her normal routine. She ate a burrito for lunch, and immediately the pain returned. It was so intense she could hardly think straight. She called me, and I asked her if she'd rather go to our family Dr., or the ER. She said the family Dr, and called in an emergency appointment. I went home and took her there, and she was told that she either was suffering from ulcers or gall bladder issues. The Dr recommended going to the ER for quicker tests and more immediate pain relief. We made it to the ER about 3PM and thankfully there wasn't anyone else waiting there, so we were seen immediately.

They ran some tests and did an ultrasound which made it very clear that Rachel needed her gall bladder removed. They were concerned that some of the gall stones had become lodged in her common bile duct, so they were going to run additional tests (including an MRI) the next day, and if there was any lodged there, they'd remove them before surgery.

Because they weren't sure when surgery would be done of if that procedure needed to be done, Rachel could not eat or drink anything until they had a better idea about what was going to happen.


Tuesday, 7/10/12: Discovered that the phrase, "the results are negative" is a positive thing. Rachel did not have any stones in her common bile duct so they scheduled her for surgery for the next morning. They said she could have liquids until Midnight. Rachel was very hungry, but was grateful to be able to drink some juice and eat a popsicle.

Wednesday, 7/11/12: Rachel went in for surgery to have her gall bladder removed at 7:45AM. She was squeezed into the surgery schedule first thing in the morning, for which we were very grateful. The surgery went very smoothly, but when she was taken back to her room, she began to feel an even more powerful pain in her stomach. To our dismay, the nurse who was assigned to her was very unsympathetic and practically told Rachel she was either exaggerating how much pain she was in or she had an incredibly low pain tolerance. We 'fired' that nurse and requested another, who did a much better job interacting with Rachel.

We were told the pain was from the surgery, and Rachel would feel much better the next morning.

Thursday, 7/12/12: The surgeon met with Rachel, and thought it very weird that Rachel was still in as much pain as Rachel was indicating. The surgeon also hinted that Rachel had a low pain tolerance, but decided to order a CT scan and some additional blood tests. The results of those showed that Rachel was suffering from pancreatitis. One of the things they tested for were her lipase levels, which is a chemical secreted by the pancreas. Normal levels are from 18-53, and Rachel's levels were at 2907! We found out later that what likely happened is that Rachel was passing another gall stone at the time of surgery. As the stone passed by the pancreas, it caused inflammation.

Pancreatitis is one of the most painful things to go through, and the surgeon apologized for insinuating Rachel wasn't in as much pain as she actually was. She also told us the treatment for pancreatitis is to simply fast. Not consuming anything gives the pancreas a chance to heal. This was the last thing Rachel wanted to hear since the last meal she ate was the little burrito on Monday!

Friday, 7/13/12: They drew blood, ran the tests, and said her lipase levels were down to about 1000. Still a long way to go, so we spent the day resting and waiting for the next day. Thankfully they gave Rachel control over her own pain medication through a PCA (Patient Controlled Analgesia), and she became much more comfortable after that.

Saturday, 7/14/12: They drew blood, ran the tests, and said her lipase levels were down to 260. They were much closer to where they needed to be, but we still couldn't go home yet. Rachel was feeling much better and spent very little time in bed. Most of the day was spent sitting on the couch and walking up and down the hallways. Rachel was allowed liquids late that morning and that afternoon she got to eat a popsicle.

Sunday, 7/15/12: They drew blood, ran the tests, and said her lipase levels were down to 180. Rachel relieved control of the PCA since she wasn't using it much any more anyway, and the Dr said she could eat some solid food. She ordered fruit for lunch and nibbled on it. She feared causing another flare-up and needing to stay longer. Thankfully that didn't happen and the nurses gathered her discharge paperwork together. We left the hospital around 2:30pm.

Some friends brought us dinner that night, and Denise (Rachel's mom who is here to help out) set up a candle-lit dinner for us since it was our 6-year anniversary. Rachel really enjoyed her first real meal in almost a week. Rachel was very happy to be able to enjoy her first real meal in almost a week!

We want to thank everyone who prayed us through this trying ordeal, the nurses and doctors who took such good care of Rachel, all our good friends who visited or stayed with Rachel or brought us meals, my parents for taking care of Isaac and Sonny while we were in the hospital, and Rachel's mom for flying out here to help out in so many ways. We thank Jesus Christ for giving us patience and emotional stability while we waited.