To Have or Not to Have? That's the question.

Lately I have been dwelling on the difference between having and not having...especially when it comes to finances.

I live in a first-world country where one can never have 'enough' stuff. There will always be another gadget to buy or something else to add to my collection. And on the flip side, just paying the bills can get expensive. As my wife and I budget our funds, we have a number of 'big-ticket' items we have to account for: mortgage, insurance, utilities, fuel, food, etc. Once we are done allocating those funds, we evaluate what we have left over for the non-essentials: phones, internet, savings, vacations, etc. But we usually try to put some funds into a 'miscellaneous' fund and an 'emergency' fund. These are two allocations which cover various expenses that we can't anticipate. In the eight years we have been married, we have seen the balances of these two funds fluctuate as Life happens.

But what I have observed about myself during these fluctuations is that when there is a healthy balance, it is harder for me to take my needs to Jesus as he asks us to. It is far more natural for me to pull out my credit card, knowing that I can cover the expense. It is incredibly rewarding to know that I have diligently saved my money those times when I need it. But when those funds are empty and things come up, my immediate response is to cry out to my heavenly father for help. And I have yet to encounter a situation where a need arises and He hasn't provided for that need. It is incredibly rewarding to see him meet those needs.

But there is a great deal of tension in the truth that God is the one who meets my every need every time....sometimes it's through providing me with a paycheck and guiding me through saving some of it. Sometimes it's through some other circumstances, like prompting a friend to gift us with a car. God is the source, but whom do I run to in times of need? I have to be honest and tell you that I run to myself and my savings account way more than I ought to. Many times in hindsight I wish that I would not have had as much saved as I did, for in those moments, I missed out on the joys of watching God meet my needs.

So back to my original question, is it better to have or not to have? My answer is, "I don't know." The planner in me reads what the Bible says and interprets it as, "Don't be stupid with your money! Be a good steward! Plan for the future!" But the sold-out follower of Jesus in me reads what the Bible says and interprets it as, "Give it ALL away! Live in the moment! Don't worry about what tomorrow brings! Trust!"

I don't know what the right answer is. Maybe it's that I should discipline myself to take everything to Jesus....not just when it's the most obvious that I need him.

But it's one thing to struggle with this tension as a husband and father with a paycheck. It's another thing to struggle with this as an under-funded missionary. Over the past three years, our ministry account has had a healthy balance so we have failed to take our missionary needs to Jesus and have instead relied on our account balance. But now that our account is empty, we are crying out to Jesus like never before...and he is answering! Not in the ways we expect, nor in ways that we can plan on for the future, but we can't deny that our needs are being met, month by month. Being under-funded is not the best situation to be in as a missionary, but maybe it's not as bad as I thought it was.

It's a new type of tension: I have a responsibility to our organization to be fully-funded, and I have a responsibility to my Savior to trust him. My goal is to fulfill both. Lord, help me!

Toxicity

Seven days ago, Rachel and I started a 30-day detox program. The first two days were horrible. We were grumpy, tired, frustrated, and at each other's throats. The next couple of days were much better, and we've now settled into a routine and life is back to normal. Well, not quite.

Generally speaking, I feel much better than I did before we started the detox. There have been a few definite changes that I've noticed:

1) I've lost weight and inches. I have dropped six pounds over the past week, and my clothes aren't quite so tight. For instance, I put on a shirt this morning and looked in the mirror. The last time I wore this shirt, I could see my belly pressing through, but this morning it hung flat and loose.

2) I'm falling asleep faster, sleeping better, and waking up faster. I'll be the first to admit I am NOT a morning person. I usually wake up with just enough time to shower, pack a lunch, then drive to work (and usually arrive a couple of minutes late). But almost every day this week I have been up before dawn, either going to the gym or helping Rachel start the day. My boss is quite pleased to see me arriving at least fifteen minutes early each day.

3) The 2 o'clock lethargy hour has disappeared. I used to hate the 2-3pm hour because I could hardly focus on anything and I would often roam the office looking for a pick-me-up, whether it be coffee or cake or whatever. But the afternoon isn't really a problem for me any more.


I know I'm only a week into the program, and there are four more weeks to go, but I'm really looking forward to seeing how my body continues to improve. But it's also very eye-opening to see what the effects of toxicity are. I never would have thought my 'normal' life could be so much better by simply eating differently.

If you want to read a day-by-day log of our detox, check out Rachel's blog.

Words

I know it's not the smartest thing to do, but I sometimes read books on my drive to and from work. It's a very slow process since I can usually only read a paragraph or two at a time while the lights are red....then there are days when I don't get to read at all because every light is green. Am I the only one who hopes for a red light?

I'm currently reading the book Princeps' Fury by Jim Butcher. It's book 5 of 6 in a series, and every book  is very well written. As I sat in my car at a red light this morning, the few paragraphs I read left my heart pounding in my chest and adrenaline coursing through my veins. I was hanging onto every word, not able to read fast enough.....then the light turned green.

The rest of my drive (which was unfortunately red-light free), I pondered what had happened.  How could a few letters strung together make my body react that way? That adrenaline woke me up far faster and more thoroughly than a cup of coffee, and it was generated by a very small portion of text! Words carry with them an incredible power. At their basest form, they convey thoughts and concepts, but they can also paint pictures, convey emotions, and even create entire worlds.

Maybe that's why James made a point of saying, "....be quick to listen and slow to speak...." If we truly considered what we are about to say before we say it, would we still use those same words? I get myself into a lot of trouble at times because I open my mouth and speak before I think. I'm definitely going to make an attempt at fixing that.



And in case you're wondering, here's what I read in those few moments:


".....In order to kill Kalarus Brencis Minoris and survive the exchange herself, Amara would have to open up his throat wide with the stone-bladed dagger she held in her hand. Or else sink it to the hilt in one of his eyes or ears. There was absolutely no room for error.
     Brencis, on the other hand, could snap her neck with a thrust of his arm, burn her to bones with a flick of his fingers, or sweep her head clean of her neck with a single motion of his excellent-quality sword.
It seemed a trifle unfair.
     But then, she’d never really expected a series of equitable situations when she’d joined the Cursors.
     Crows take you, Gaius. Even when I walked away from your service, you managed to draw me back into it.
     Moving silent and unseen had become second nature to her over the past days. She drifted past the guards standing about the courtyard, walking slowly, calmly, and carefully. She paused several times, to let one of the collared Alerans pass nearby, before she continued. Stealth had a great deal more to do with patience and the ability to remain calm when there was very little reason to do so than with any amount of personal agility.
     It took her perhaps ten minutes to move from the shelter of the alley to the side of the platform opposite Brencis’s table. It took another five to slide around the platform and stop beside the stairs leading from the floor of the courtyard up to the auction stage. When Brencis finished eating, he would go back up the stairs to collar the next victim, and Amara would drive her dagger into his brain. He would fall. She would take to the skies immediately, and be gone from the meager light of the furylamps before anyone could react. It couldn’t be simpler.
     In matters such as that, simplicity was a deadly weapon in its own right.
     It took Brencis several more moments to finish dinner, before he pushed his plate away and rose.
Amara settled her grip on the handle of the stone knife and relaxed her muscles, preparing for the single, blindingly swift strike that was her only chance at success."


.....and I have to wait until lunch to find out what happens.

A New Resolution

Our small group at church has been reading through the New Testament in an 8-week period. The 'book' we have been using has removed all chapter/verse references so it's easier to read it as it was written….mostly as letters from one person to another. When reading it in big chunks like that, it's easier to pick out certain themes. For instance, one of the themes that stood out to me was that Paul kept needing to address was about how the believers were treating their bodies: the issue of circumcision (or not), eating food sacrificed to idols (or not), engaging in sexual immorality, and a variety of other body-related issues that kept arising. 

I don't think we struggle with those same exact same issues today, but the message that Paul gave repeatedly is still pertinent:

1. There is little required of you physically after you are saved

2. Salvation brings freedom, but don't abuse it

3. Remember that you are no longer your own - God owns you; you are now a slave to Christ

In other words, you don't have to treat your body well, but you ought to out of reverence for Jesus.

So that's been rolling around in my head lately, then last weekend I went skiing at Monarch Mountain, and if you've read my latest blog post, you know what happened there. Someone stopped us at the top and entertained two of my nephews by telling them that if they pee on one side of the Continental Divide, it will end up in the Atlantic,and if they pee on the other side, it will end up in the Pacific. That got me to thinking about the long-term consequences of decisions and actions. I ended that post by asking,  "will we continue making the choices we want to despite knowing the outcome? If you know the information is accurate and the person is trustworthy, why would you ignore it?"

Then…..I saw this video on YouTube.

Rachel watched a few minutes of that video with me, then had to look away. She didn't want to hear it since she loves her Coke. After it was over, I asked her what she thought, and she said, "I guess we're switching to Pepsi!"

But listen to some of the statements that are made:

1. Coke has been known to accelerate aging and cause high cholesterol.

3. The calories in Coca-cola products have no nutritional value.

4. If you choose to live a healthy lifestyle, then you should not be drinking any Coke products.

5. If you drink Coke, you'll get fatter and fatter. The solution is simple….don't drink Coke. It's killing you and your family.

I don't know about you, but the culmination of what I've been reading in the Bible, what God's been showing me through my daily interactions, and finally this commercial have really convicted me that I'm not taking very good care of what's been entrusted to me, nor have I been leading my family to do so, especially in the area of drinking soda (we have been going through almost a 12-pack of coke a week).

So going back to the questions on my last post, "will I continue making the choices I want to despite knowing the outcome? If I know the information is accurate and the source is trustworthy, why would I ignore it?"

So in light of all that, I'm saying goodbye to soda. I love it, it tastes great, but it's slowly killing me. It's not going to be easy, but I think it'll be worth it.

Peeing on the Continental Divide

Last weekend I went skiing at Monarch Mountain with some family and friends, including two of my nephews. One of the lifts we rode took us to the very top of the mountain range. We stood there looking at the trail-map, and someone came up to us and gave us some recommendations on the slopes to take. He then asked the boys, "Do you know what you're standing on? It's the Continental Divide. If you were to pee over here, it would end up in the Atlantic Ocean. But if you were to pee over there, it would end up in the Pacific Ocean. And if you were to pee right here, well, some of it might end up in the Atlantic and some might end up in the Pacific!" He then waved goodbye and was on his way.

Unless you drank A LOT of water that morning, I highly doubt that any amount of pee would be recognizable as such by the time it reached one of the oceans. But the guy was 100% correct. Any water landing on the East side of the Continental Divide ends up in the Atlantic, while any water on the West side ends up in the Pacific....and if you were standing there with a full bladder, you could decide where it was going to go. As the crow flies, it's about 1000 miles to the Pacific Ocean, and about 1700 miles to the Atlantic. Standing on top of the Continental Divide, you can't see either ocean, but that's the final destination nonetheless.

We make decisions like that every day. We can't actually see where that decision will end up, but it will end up there regardless. Sometimes it takes someone else (even a total stranger) to stop by and tell us where a decision might lead. But if that happens, will we listen? Will we make an adjustment? Or will we continue making the choices we want to despite knowing the outcome?

If you were to pick up a cigarette and someone tell you that smoking leads to cancer, would you still smoke? If you were to pick up a can of soda and someone tell you that drinking soda leads to obesity, would you still drink it? If you were about to throw some plastic away and someone tell you that it damages the earth's ecosystem, would you still throw it away?

I understand that you have to trust that the person is telling you the truth, but if you know the information is accurate and the person is trustworthy, why would you ignore it?

What's a 'person'

Last night we watched "Robot and Frank," which I think is a pretty good movie. Rachel thought it was very sad, but we did find ourselves laughing at several parts and had a good discussion afterward.

The basic premise is that an older man (who is fighting dementia) is given a robot to assist him around the house and help improve his health and overall well-being. Frank initially rejects this idea but grows to appreciate the Robot. Early on in their 'relationship,' the Robot tells Frank that it is not a person, it is just hardware and software designed for a specific purpose. But when Frank's kids later refer to the robot as being nothing more than a mechanical slave, Frank responds with, "I need him. He's my friend." At the end of the movie, Frank has to do a factory-reset on the Robot, thereby erasing its memory. The Robot again assures Frank that there is no problem doing so since it is not a person.

But the Robot is a person in Frank's mind! Frank would not have attached himself in the ways he did to the Robot if he really believed it was just hardware and software. And it took the Robot repeatedly assuring and almost even begging Frank to wipe it before Frank finally was willing to do so.

The movie got me wondering 'What makes an entity a person?" I've come to the conclusion that whatever it is, it has to come from either within the entity or be projected onto it from someone else.

"I think therefore I am!" is a philosophical argument that 'personhood' comes from within.

Pro-abortionists believe that fetuses are not people and use arguments that 'personhood' is projected onto them at birth (or at whatever week gestation the particular pro-abortionist draws the line).

Frank obviously projected 'personhood' onto the Robot, but the Robot was the first to admit that it was not a person.

So what is it? Help me out here!

A Valentine's Day Date

Seven years ago today, Rachel and I went on a Valentine's Day date.

I know what you must be thinking, "Valentine's Day was yesterday!" That's very true. And you might be interested to know that we would have gone out that night instead, but I had a college class I needed to attend. To make up for my one-day delay, I dropped off a bunch of roses and chocolates and a nice card at her house before heading to class.

The next night, we went to dinner. We reminisced about all the time we'd spent together over the past several years....some of those officially 'dating' and others being 'just friends.' After dinner was over, we went for a stroll along the river, meandering through town. We found ourselves crossing a bridge onto an island in the river where a park was. We had a lot of memories there. It was where we went for our first date. It was where we first held each other's hands. It was where I first told her "I love you." I had even carved our initials into a fallen log, and we made our way over to it to see if we could find them.

We sat on the log for a while just talking, then I told Rachel I had a song I wanted her to listen to. I told her to just close her eyes and focus on the words.



While she did that, I knelt in the snow and laid out some tea candles, and attempted to light them in the falling rain. She quietly said that the song was over, and I told her to turn around and open her eyes. She did so, and saw me on a knee next to a partially lit message, "I ❤ U ∞" and holding a ring up to her.

I asked her, "Rachel, will you marry me?" In shock, she responded, "WHAT?" so I repeated the question, this time with a grin. I waited in anticipation, my heart beating like crazy.

Then I heard the best thing ever.....she said Yes!

And after almost seven years of marriage, I am still so very glad she said yes.

Being the Encourager

If you read my Facebook posts recently, you know that last night Rachel and I went to the gym, where she kept up with me and ran 3 miles, did over 100 pushups and over 200 crunches. I can't begin to describe how proud I am of her, and as I was thinking over that hour or so, this thought kept surfacing, "Neither she nor I would have done all that had it not been for me encouraging her."

For her, she needed to hear the encouragement to keep on going. I kept telling her that she was doing awesome, that it was only a little bit further, that she could do it. I banged the floor and demanded another pushup. As I ran beside her, I whispered to her that I was proud of her. For over an hour I kept the tempo of encouragement up and she did it all: 3.1 miles, 110 pushups, 220 crunches.

For me, I needed to keep on going in order to be able to encourage her. I wanted her to do it all, and I knew she wanted to do it all. I also knew that I had to lead by example and if I quit she wasn't going to push me on. There was one point where she was out of breath and wanted so badly to stop running. I was in exactly the same boat - I could hardly talk I was so out of breath, but I had to keep going so I could encourage her to keep going. Instead of doing our reps of pushups at the same time, I had to race through mine so I could kneel next to her and talk her through her reps.

What I realized is that if you want to be an 'encourager,' you will have to demand more out of yourself. My words would have had little power if I was sitting beside the track drinking lemonade and telling Rachel to keep on running. I had to push myself harder than I was pushing Rachel so that I would be able to push Rachel. And at the end of the day, we both crossed that finish line!

A Better Place

On my way into work this morning, I was listening to the DJs on the radio station talk about a recent article published talking about how employees of certain vocations thought they were making the world a worse place because of their jobs. A couple of examples are Fast Food workers, Telemarketers, and Dealers at casinos. Bear in mind that it was the employees themselves that were making the claim. Anyway, the DJs were asking the audience how their job was making the world a better place.

So here's how what I do is making the world a better place:

1) I am directly helping the people I work with by keeping their computers running. Since they're not as frustrated with their computers, they're able to focus on their tasks with better clarity. This allows them to do better at their job, aiding their happiness and lowering their stress levels.

2) I am indirectly helping other co-workers around the world by playing a part in keeping our entire infrastructure functional. This allows the ongoing work of HCJB Global to progress.

3) I am indirectly helping people I don't know around the world through the ongoing work of HCJB Global. HCJB Global is improving lives in countries all over by meeting physical needs through hospitals, clinics, clean water, and other community development projects.

4) I am helping to spread the good news about Jesus. Jesus Christ is the only one with the power to truly transform lives for the better. Humanity, left by itself, will deteriorate and degrade....call it the Law of Human Entropy. But Jesus can turn that around. Humanity with Jesus will continually improve, and that is why I'm trying to spread the news about him.

Those are the four reasons that quickly came to mind on how my job is making the world a better place. Is your job improving the world, making it worse, or isn't doing anything at all? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

The River (book review)

The River, by Michael Neale, is not only the story of a young man dealing with the ghosts of his past, it's also a story about him finding his life's calling and embracing his destiny.

As a boy living in the mountains of Colorado, Gabriel Clarke watched his father sacrifice himself to The River to save another man's life. Heroic though the action may have been, from his 5-year-old perspective, Gabriel's father abandoned him. After that, Gabriel moved to Kansas to live with his mother.

The following years spent on the farm were simple and horrible. Gabriel, not able to escape the pain and the loss, struggled to make it through each day. By the time he turned twelve, he still had an incredible fear of water, and it was only through the gift of a fishing rod that he was able to re-encounter The River in a healing way.

As a young adult, he gets pulled away from Kansas by some friends to go camping in Colorado. There he has a supernatural experience with The River which replaces much of his fear with awe. He goes white-water rafting and feels himself come alive. That camping trip was too short so he later returns to Colorado to spend the summer working at the white-water rafting camp. There he learns much about his past and has an encounter that, depending on how he handles it, will change the course of his life forever.

While I found this book to be entertaining, there were many instances which pointed to the author's inexperience as a writer. For instance, the story is told to us by someone who meets Gabriel Clarke in an airport. Gabriel tells the narrator his story, who then shares Gabriel's story to us "as he told it to me." I would expect it to then be written from Gabriel's perspective (as it would have been originally told to the narrator). Instead, it was written in third person narration. Either Gabriel is one strange duck who narrates his own life, or the author made a big oopsie.

In addition, the dialogue and story line were very simply written and stated many of the characteristics of the various characters instead of showing them. For instance, we are told that Gabriel has 'hard days' and 'easy days' as a child, but we never really know what that means. We are told that on a 'hard day' he retreats to a secret place in his mind, but we are never allowed to join him there. (Another indicator that the story is not really being told "as he told it to me")

All in all, I'd give the book 3/5 stars, which reflects more of my appreciation of the way Colorado, mountains, and rivers are portrayed than it does for the story itself. I will say this though - I was on the brink of tears the last couple chapters of the book. It's an emotional tale that I did connect to...especially toward the end.

I received a copy of this book from the publishing company and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed here are my own.